Lesbian Life/re terrible mistake


Hi there Lena,
I had no idea you responded to my question until now when I got the urge to read the response to the same question I sent to Alecia.I sent the question to Alecia because I thought that the question I sent to you didn't send and I had forgotten who I sent it to when I re sent it!
Any how thank you so much for response which like Alecia has helped me to recover!   
I did read about transference and can see that this was probably the case,I still have deep feelings for the woman however I am less attached to the outcome,calmly observing myself and the situation as well as getting into my studies which are thoroughly enjoyable and challenging.
I would like to put forth another question while I am here and am interested in your view,again I am less attached to her while still being attracted and more grateful than anything that she does not see me as a desperate weirdo in fact she stopped me the first time we saw each other after the e mail and told me to relax and not to worry,everything is ok.Couldn't help myself and asked if she is at least flattered?she said yes and was going to respond to my e mail but was too busy moving house.(hmmm?)
So everything is going swimmingly and I am feeling ok with taking a step back and leaving her be,the only puzzling thing is and it could be my imagination or wishful thinking but I am almost certain that she is flirting with me, outrageously actually and showing up without reason on several occasions one in which I had to give a presentation in a private room to several people when she happened to walk in.      
I am confused but again this is better than her disliking me and   and with all honesty although I am happily detached from the situation and grateful it didnt get out of hand and with the thought of other women on my mind and exciting plans for the next phase of my life I am stumped as to what is going on,so my question would be.What do you get from this scenario? By the way I did not declare my undying love in the e mail but I did tell her that she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met and that I would like to meet her out of uni someday etc!I am turning bright red right now!
Thanking you kindly Samantha

Dear Friend,

It is hard to claim, with any degree of certainty, that I or anyone else, can know the answer at this juncture. In fact, I have known many cases, in particular, at the 'questioning' stage of coming out #to themselves#, when the women who may or may not be having these feelings, cannot be sure of themselves or of what those feelings are, exactly.

Coming out is a process and if she has not previously been involved with a woman -- she may be flattered, confused, maybe even oddly infatuated and enjoying the flirting, tremendously -- but will she do anything to take the relationship a step further? Doubtful. I know of one case where amid the concrete, well-thought-out plans to start a life together, making living arrangements, the previously straight woman backed out due to her own overwhelming fear and confusion.

Continue on your path and allow her the space she needs. You have expressed your feelings for her and that took amazing courage. Nothing can stop you now from doing well, no matter what path awaits you in the future.

Lesbian Life

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Lena Torres


Can Answer Questions about Lesbian Life: Dating, Relationships, Breakups, Cheating and Every day life. Prefer not to Respond to: Intricate Psychological Disorder questions (though I can refer readers to other resources i.e. websites/counceling for information and help on these issues). No questions with sexual content, especially from under-age readers.


Worked within the domestic violence field, assisting victims to get their lives back on track; through facilitating support-groups, workshops and individual counceling. Continue to be an active member of the lesbian community, providing referals and support to fellow lesbians through church and other groups.

FVS (domestic violence group in Florida) and various church groups.

B.A. in Journalism, with heavy research concentration in Social Psychology and Human Relations. Working toward Masters.

Awards and Honors
Received commendation award for public relations work and teamwork/unity and team-leadership awards within a corporate setting.

©2017 About.com. All rights reserved.