Lesbian Life/How to ask her out?


Hi! I am writing because I could really use some advice on how to ask a certain woman out.  I met this woman a couple of years ago, and really liked her, but didn't do anything about it. Lucky fo r me, I ran into her again about a month ago.  She seems to be a great person and really, just my type. I've spoken to her quite a few times and have tried to make it obvious to her that I like her a lot.  She has flirted with me, too, but all of it has come to nothing. Now, in our profession, any type of relationship between us for the last month would have prohibited, and we both really love what we do. But as of today, that restriction no longer exist. I got a chance to talk to her this afternoon, but I didn't have the guts to ask her out. How do I ask her out? I am not used to taking the lead in relationships, and  this is not the exception. But she obviously isn't taking the first step either, so I'm stuck. What can I do?

Hi Chris,

There are a number of ways you can approach this situation-it just depends on your comfort level. I have found the best way to ask someone out is a casual face-to-face asking. If you find yourself having a conversation with her again, go for it. What do you have to lose? Ask her to get together for a drink or coffee or whatever social activities you enjoy. Keep it casual. You'll always regret it if you don't go for it.

I've had times in my past where I really, REALLY liked someone and I couldn't even speak when they were around. If this is the case for you, I can make a few suggestions. Do you have her email address? You could always send her a friendly email. Back when I was in college, I was completely in love with a girl I kept running into at the computer lab. We had never spoken but there was just something about her. After 2 months of chickening out of talking to her, my best friend helped me write a cute little note to slip to her while we were in the computer lab. I got my date. Of course, it helped that she liked me too and also couldn't muster up the nerve to talk to me. But, if you have a friendly enough "relationship" with this woman, you could kick it old school and slip her a cute and simple note asking her out.

I still recommend face-to-face. If you are really struggling, would it be easier to invite a few people out from the office for a casual get together? Spend that time talking with her and then ask her out (only her) then.

Think about your comfort level and how you picture yourself asking her out and do it. You can find the courage within. We all get a little fearful when asking someone out. You can do it!

I wish you lots of luck and I hope your date is wonderful!

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Alicia Thompson


I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.


I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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