Lesbian Life/Is she bi?

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Question
Hello,

I know that there is never a sure way to tell if someone is bisexual unless they openly tell you or have some other obvious signs such as on facebook ect. However the girl I like at work is really confusing me. She is 22 and has been to uni and is very attractive, smart and funny but has never had a boyfriend. When she told me I was genuinely shocked. Since she has started here- about three months ago- I know she has had some interest from guys but nothing has worked out. She was also seeing a guy outside of work but he has been messing her about a lot. But I just get a feeling that she might be bi- maybe its just wishful thinking?! I looked at her facebook profile to see if there were any clues and many of her photos are of her kissing her female friends- but as far as i can tell they are just friends. She obviously has some lesbian friends too and there is one photo of a passionate looking kiss with another girl. She also had a very short haircut and this with the way she dressed suggested to me that maybe she was interested in girls too. Occasionally i get a look from her that makes me weak at the knees, a long eye contact look and she then smiles reluctantly. She doesnt know that I like girls as I am bi and am currently sort of seeing a guy and have not told any of my work friends that I also like girls. At the staff christmas party I was slow dancing with said guy and I caught her eye over his shoulder and she gave me a look that I still cant work out. It was either that she wished she had someone to dance with or that she didnt want to see me slow dancing with someone else. It was a look of longing almost- i think. We work together a lot and I have been training her so she does rely on me a fair bit and we text everyday. I've never brought up the subject of lesbianism with her as I'm never sure about bringing it into conversation but I think that this may be a good way of telling at least what she thinks on the subject?? Given the evidence I have given you what would be your verdict? And do you have any advice on how to proceed in my investigations?!

All the best and thank you for taking the time to read my question.

Answer
Hi Jenny,

From reading your question, my gut instinct is that she is interested in you but you work together and you have a guy so she probably doesn't want to say anything. I can't say whether she is a lesbian or bi but I would say she is interested in you.

I would suggest maybe going out for a drink or coffee or lunch or something like that. Build your trust and friendship a little and get her out of the work environment. There are many different ways to bring it up. I don't suggest telling her you are interested in her. I do suggest stating that you have an interest in women. The best way to do it is to have it come up naturally in conversation but if she is really shy about that stuff (though it doesn't sound like it based on the pictures you described), it may never come up. :) I used to investigate where people stand by stating that I thought some woman was attractive. It could be a celebrity, someone who walks by, a mutual friend, anyone. That conversation always opens the flood gates for people to discuss same sex crushes and then the conversation goes from there. I used to use P!nk as my celebrity. I would start discussing music and say that I really want to see her in concert and that she is kind of hot. Every lesbian and bisexuual woman loves P!nk. But, you can use anyone you think would work. Just make sure whatever conversation you choose to have with her, it happens naturally and isn't forced. She will more than likely open up to you though once you get social outside of work.

I hope this helps you. Let me know if I can assist you further and let me know how things progress! I wish you lots of luck!  

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Alicia Thompson

Expertise

I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.

Experience

I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

Organizations
I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

Education/Credentials
I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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