Lesbian Life/Is it ok to ask?



Is it ok to ask a girl if she is gay? I am a lesbian and I really like a girl at work. Most people at work know I'm gay but I'm not sure if she does. I have asked around a bit to see if anyone else knows and so far no one does but they seem to think that she could be. We've been texting lately but it is definitely me leading the conversation. My friends have advised me just it ask her if she's gay. However she clearly isn't 'out' and I'm concerned that it may offend her. What would you suggest?

Thank you for taking the time to read my question.

Dear Friend,

There are varying opinions on this matter.

I can only give you my own, personal take which is -- people are connected at the soul level and within the recesses of that deep, deep place -- there is no orientation or gender or choice over who to love, really.

If she is attracted to you, on that level -- whether or not she is gay, will not matter.

If you do, ask her -- you should expect her heartfelt reply and it might be one that you might not like; but you must be prepared to live with it.

How I have approached it myself, in the past is by first revealing my own sexuality. In doing this, I have found that some individuals, though inclined toward same sex relationships, might not be forthcoming in revealing this to you -- even if you reveal your own orientation to them, first. People have their own, personal reasons for things.

How a person labels or doesn't label themselves is a very personal matter and often irrelevant when it comes to attraction.

There is nothing wrong with getting to know her, regardless of how she labels herself.

Take your time to appreciate her company.  

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Lena Torres


Can Answer Questions about Lesbian Life: Dating, Relationships, Breakups, Cheating and Every day life. Prefer not to Respond to: Intricate Psychological Disorder questions (though I can refer readers to other resources i.e. websites/counceling for information and help on these issues). No questions with sexual content, especially from under-age readers.


Worked within the domestic violence field, assisting victims to get their lives back on track; through facilitating support-groups, workshops and individual counceling. Continue to be an active member of the lesbian community, providing referals and support to fellow lesbians through church and other groups.

FVS (domestic violence group in Florida) and various church groups.

B.A. in Journalism, with heavy research concentration in Social Psychology and Human Relations. Working toward Masters.

Awards and Honors
Received commendation award for public relations work and teamwork/unity and team-leadership awards within a corporate setting.

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