Lesbian Life/A Little Confused...


Hello Alicia,

A few months ago I ran into a woman who I grew up with as children til our early twenties. We once lived in the same apartment building. I have not seen her in nearly 25 years. When we were younger she was involved in an open lesbian relationship with another woman (Whom has since met a man, had children, and relocated to another state). Anyway, we were very surprised to have run into one another, and we chatted some and hugged. Before I left her I indicated I was getting ready to go, and she hugged me again. Finally as I was getting ready to leave she wanted another hug. I was a little surprised by this, because I did not feel she would be attracted to a man enough to hug that many of times. It made me wonder, "Is she bisexual and not fully lesbian?" She gave me her email address and telephone number before we parted, because she indicated her sister was looking for work. Afterwards we traded emails a few times, and I informed her maybe I would have kids even at an older age if I found the right woman some day (I was NOT referring to her, because in my mind she excluded herself from such a lifestyle years ago, but I have no idea what her life has been like since then). I also informed her I was a Christian now, and sent some scriptures. Shortly after that she stopped communicating. My questions are would you be willing to speculate on...

1) Why did she hug me that many times? I was told she probably was just happy to see me (By people who knew about her life style at the time);

2)Why did she stop communicating? Could she have been offended by the scriptures I emailed (It really had little to do with sexuality), or Did she self-identify herself as excluded from my fanciful future idea of having a family?

Alicia, I will await your reply. Thanks


Hi William,

I read your questions and gave them some thought.

1. I would say that she hugged you because she was happy to see you. It doesn't sound like there was any romantic intent behind the hugs-just a person happy to reconnect with an old friend.

2. I would guess she stopped communicating with you because of the scriptures you sent. Every gay person I know gets uncomfortable with people quoting scripture-whether it deals with sexuality or not. There is so much hate shown to the gay community from the religious community (not everyone but once scripture is quoted one would assume the hate and judgement is coming next) it wouldn't surprise me if the scriptures you emailed her sent her running for the hills. :) also, talk of having children and relationships may have contributed as well. I've had a lot of male friends in my past who started bringing up kids and relationships and it felt like they liked me (turns out they did) which made me very uncomfortable and I stopped speaking to them.

It's hard to live in a world where there is so much hate and people just don't understand someone because a person is attracted to another of the same gender. Especially with lesbians, some men think, "if she was with me, she would like men" and it doesn't work that way. I'm not saying you are like this. I just wanted you to be aware of what this woman goes through every day.

I hope what I have said helped and if I can help you further, feel free to follow-up. I wish you well.  

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Alicia Thompson


I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.


I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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