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Lesbian Life/My girlfriend asked for space


QUESTION: I have been seeing someone for 3 months. We never discussed being exclusive but I assumed we were until I accidentally found out we were not. She had been also seeing someone else. We have had discussions about this and I have shown some jealousy but not excessive. She told me my feelings for her were deeper than her feelings for me. She liked me and cared for me. She told me she needed to think and reach a decision about us. She also said she needed her space to figure out how she felt about this. She said she wanted to remain friends through this process of her figuring out what she wanted. But she stressed she wanted to be just friends.
My question is do I take it at face value or should I assume it is over?  She did not say what she meant by needing space or how much time she needed. Also like I said she is seeing other people. I don't know how I should act or how much contact I should have with her since she did say she wants to be friends. Should I have discussed what she meant by needing space? I am so confused.

ANSWER: Hi Susan.

It sounds like this girl is done with your relationship. Seeing someone else and now wanting space and to just be friends are not good signs. Had she truly been invested in your relationship, she wouldn't have been dating anyone else.

The best thing you can do is not contact her and just move on. Contacting her will do nothing but make you look needy and push her further away. If she really wants to be with you, she'll need time and distance. The best thing you can do is give her that. Get out and meet new people. Maybe you'll meet someone even better, or at least someone who truly wants to be with you.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you. What if she contacts me through text to say hi.  She had been texting me and we did go out for a drink but no sex. Should I be just going along with what she wants since she is "thinking " about our relationship or is it better to just stop communicating until she has made a decision? I do not want to push her away.



It is probably best to stop communicating with her. Every time she reaches of to you, you, you'll be hoping for something that won't happen and you'll keep getting hurt more and more. It's best to just keep your distance until 1. Your feelings turn into just friendship or 2. she gives you a definite answer on what she wants from you. You can eventually be friends with her, you just can't right now while you want more and she doesn't. I hope this helps.  

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Alicia Thompson


I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.


I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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