AboutVicky Expertise Lesbian: sexual problems, coming out, general questions about being gay:-) i came out when i was 17, and ive helped several ppl not just friends, come to terms and understand what its like to be gay, the kind of lifestyle it leads to or rather can lead to, medical issues, and just how to be happy with your choice of lifestyle.
Question Hello Vicky,
I am wondering (and hoping) that you can help me.... My wife and I are considering a threesome with another woman...we watch lesbian porn all the time and my wife gets very turned on by watching it...eventhough she says she doesen't....she gets extremely excited and very "wet" if I may use the term.... I asked my wife to participate in a threesome because it is my fantasy and she agreed to try it and also agreed to try it more than once "just because she wants to fufil my fantasy" according to her.... We have not done this yet but are both looking forward to it and talk about it constantly and we have sex and always watch lesbian porn only ....I guess I am hoping to turn my wife bi or lesbian?? I really get turned on by watching two woman have sex together like many men do.... but my wife insists that she is NOT Bi or does NOT find women attractive??? and that she would ONLY be doing this for me??? I think she is in denial and does have an attraction to women why else would she be willing to have a threesome more than once..."Just to fufil my fantasy"?...She may be embarassed to admit to me that she finds other women attractive? I really think that she does find other woman attractive and I want to make her first experience a very pleasureable one that she will really enjoy and hopefully continue...can you give me your opinion of my situation?? Do you think my wife finds other women attractive and do you think she may be Bi? or will she become Bi? Thank you in advance
Answer Hi Mark, thanks for coming to me:)
Well, to be honest, I cant really say that your wife is one way or the other. Because i dont know you both, its a bit difficult to offer advice on her sexual preference, without hearing her side of it as well...but i will try and offer you some decent advice anyway:)
First off, you need to talk to your wife again , and get her to be honest about her feelings. If she continues to say she isnt attracted to women, then you need to believe her. You see, not all women are attracted to other women as you well know, and forcing the issue with her, might make her change her mind altogether. It does, in my humble opinion, sound like she is wanting to please you. And in that regard, you are incredibly lucky! It shows that she trusts you, and you her. She is willing to fulfill a fantasy that YOU have;)) But i do need to caution you when it comes to a threesome. Make sure its with someone you both agree on, make sure the person is clean from any STD'S, make sure you are clear on the proceedings when it happens, make sure your wife has an out if she needs one. I know this sounds like a lecture, but trust me, threesomes can break up the most sound of marriages so you do need to be fully prepared when you do it. Just be careful, make sure you are both happy with the situation, and make sure that the other party concerned, knows its a no strings situation. Its obviously up to you how you deal with it, but yeah use your head ok? Ok..enough lecturing;)))
Just because she is willing to do this more than once, again, doesnt mean she is bi or even a lesbian. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable and therefore she could be thinking along those lines as well. Remember that pornos dont come close to the real thing at all:) If you think about your wife, can you imagine someone jabbing at her with those long nails? OUCH! Would be like someone taking hold of your privates with some sandpaper....ouch ouch ouch! thats another thing, make sure your wifes fingernails are at a reasonable length..not over the end of her fingers and not sharp in any way. The same goes for your potential other partner. all i can think is ouch right now!
Anyway, i do advise that you talk to her openly again about her feelings towards women. If it does turn out that she is embarassed about having latent feelings towards other women, dont do the I Told You So thing..just be as supportive as you can be, and for heaven sake dont go thinking ooo yippeeee threesomes every night of the week either! But i reckon you are smarter than that:)
Lastly, about your wife becoming bi or lesbian. Well, there is that chance you have to take. I mean realistically, if you are introduced to a situation you find more pleasurable than your normal situation, often times you will pick the new over the old. Im not saying that she will just dump you and run off with the first woman that comes along, but i am saying be wary. If it starts to get out of control, then you need to stop it before you both get hurt. AGain, and i cant stress this enough, make sure you keep talking to your wife. As soon as communication breaks down, things start to unravel very quickly. This is for you as well as her ok? Make sure she is honest with you, and you with her. At least if, and i mean IF, it turns pear shaped, you will have both been honest with each other...does this all make sense? i can ramble a bit...so i appologise now if this is a pile of crap!
If there is anything else i can do, you know where to find me:) I wish you all the best with this, just be smart though...AND USE A CONDOM! Never be fooled by the "oh i dont mind not using a condom" line...Std's are rampant nowadays. Enjoy your wife, enjoy what she has to offer you:) And find out if she has any fantasies as well;) Spicing up your sex life is always good, just dont go overboard thats all;) Take care and good luck, and have fun :)))))
