Expert: Margot RN BScN CGN - 7/29/2008

Question
Mu 43 yr old husband was just recently diagnosed with lung cancer.  I am totally lost and don't know what to do next.  He is also exspressed the fear of suffering before he dies.  How can i help and support him without losing it myself? Which i am just about there. And he is in alot of pain, what do i need to ask for?  Thanks

Answer
Hi Rhonda and thanks for writing,

I am sorry to read about your husband’s diagnosis; the time after the diagnosis is a very scary time.  You and your husband will go through normal stages of shock, bargaining, anger and acceptance.

The first thing you’ll want to do is talk with the doctors and get all your questions answers, including:

-what is the exact diagnosis (what cancer and which stage),
-he is in pain now and we need to get that under control immediately,
-what are the treatment options and when can we expect to start treatment,
-what can we expect during treatment (side effects etc),
-can he still work,
and of course …
-what is the prognosis?

The best thing to do now is take each day one a a time – what are we dealing with today, do we understand our options and are we both comfortable with the healthcare decisions being made.  You want to ask all the questions now and not wonder a year from now if you should have spoken up.

I know how scary it is and how easy it is to constantly think about the worst possible scenario, but you really have to find the strength to be a power couple and together give each other positive vibes and keep your home full of love and the good energy of those who friends and family who can love and support you both through this health crisis.

Wishing you both all the best, please fell free to write gain if I can be of any further assistance.

God Bless,
Margot