Expert: Margot RN BScN CGN - 9/9/2008

Question
Dear Margot,
I am so relived that I have found this site.  My mother is 96 and was hospitalized with bronchitis and an bladder infection.  She was in independent care until this.  She is now in the recovery unit at the nursing home.  They said that she has "Failure to thrive" and yet they continue to push her to physical therapy.  She won't eat, doesn't want to eat but will drink.  I think that she would be better in a hospice.  She still has the bronchitis, wants to sleep all of the time, has no control of her bladder or bowels.  What can I do?  What would be best for her?  The family does not live near by and we are so distraught.  Can the Dr. validate that she is dying so we can move her to a hospice?
Sincerely,
Sue Nilsen

Answer
Hi Sue and thanks for writing,

My first question is "what does your Mother want"?  Can she not be consulted and participate in the decision making process?  Has she never signed a Living Will or Advanced Directives - at 96 I would wonder how this topic was never discussed with her when she could indicate and put in writing what she'd want as her wishes should be the main guiding force behind all healthcare treatment decisions.

In lieu of her expressed desire, then its up to the family to decide what's best and if you feel the treatment she's currently being subjected to is cruel then step up and ask them to hold off for now, if she continues to weaken then she may be appropriate for hospice, but only if she's prognosed to have less than three months to live.

Wishing you all the best,
Margot