Expert: Margot RN BScN CGN - 10/26/2009

Question
My Grandmother is now 95 1/2 and has lived a wonderful full life.  She is still living at home and has two nurses who stay with her one in the morning and one at night.  They have told me that the time is getting closer, she says she is talking to her dead sister and husband, and she will be visiting soon!  We are all preparing. I saw her just 3 weeks ago but my sisters who live close by said they saw her this past weekend and noticed in the last three weeks she has gotten worse.  There are no health issues she is just old!  When the nurses say its getting close, what does that really mean? Weeks, months days?  I just want to have some idea so I can try and plan another trip to see her before she goes.  Thanks for help!

Answer
Hi Lisa and thanks for writing,

It sounds like your Grandmother is showing signs of slowing down and that's what the nurses and your sister are commenting on, but it certainly doesn’t mean you need to panic.  If she has no serious health issues (heart, lungs, cancer, etc) then there's no reason she couldn’t keep living a good quality of life for a few more years (assuming he doesn't get a serious flu or infection).

Now I have seen everything in my career from people who have no reason to still be alive but go on for years and years despite being full of aggressive cancer, and I have also seen people with no apparent health issues simply slip away in a few days because they stopped wanting to live (often within a few days or losing their spouse or some other traumatic event).

I always tell people not to focus on being there for the last hours and minutes to say goodbye when the patient is probably so sedated and unconscious and will not even be aware of who is or is not at the bedside.  Focus on enjoying time together now while she's got the physical and cognitive strength to truly enjoy the visit.

Take care, I hope she continues to have a happy and healthy life,
Margot