AboutMargot RN BScN CGN Expertise I nursed my own Mother and Grandmother at home when they were dying so I have personal experience with the emotions involved. I have also spent the last 15+ years as a Registered Nurse caring for The Elderly and Terminally Ill and it has brought me great satisfaction. I am willing to answer any questions I can.
Experience
Past/Present clients Hundreds of Long Term Care Residents as well as hundreds of Cleitns and families in the community (including my Mother and Grandmother).
Question My father is 70 years old in Alabama and I am in Virginia. For the last couple of years my father has had a heart-attack, a couple of strokes, which left him in a nursing home. Recently I got a call from his sister there in Al. She wishes not to see him in the state he is in now. But he has not eaten in 4 days now, and Dr.s said that he has had yet another stroke. My aunt husband just went to visit him about 10 minutes ago and he said that my dad did open his eyes but he looked at him like he didn't know him, and he also is being treated for an infection on his thigh caused by a burn at the nursing home. I called the hospital and due to HIPPA there are unable to tell me information I want and need to know. Basically I want to know if he is in his last days, weeks, months of life. I have 3 school age kids and I need to know if this is something I need to make plans to get there to say my goodbyes! Is this his final days and if so, due to your experience how long does he have before he pass away? Thank you!!! Tanesha from Portsmouth Virginia
Answer Hi Tanesha and thanks for writing,
My advice is to go now if it's important for you to say "goodbye" so you'll feel you did what you could, but in all honesty if he's not aware of his surroundings (as your Aunt's husband said) then be prepared that he may not respond to you, nor even comprehend that you're there.
Personally I think people put too much weight in the bedside goodbye when someone is on their deathbed - people drop everything and spend a lot of money to fly out and say a few words to someone who is not even aware. I think it's much more important to be nice to our friends and family while we're together so we have good memories later in life.
But he is your Dad, and if you really want to see him one more time, then I'd go immediately as he could pass away within 72 hrs if he's not getting any nutrition (are they giving him IVs or any other source of calories)?
