AboutMargot RN BScN CGN Expertise I nursed my own Mother and Grandmother at home when they were dying so I have personal experience with the emotions involved. I have also spent the last 15+ years as a Registered Nurse caring for The Elderly and Terminally Ill and it has brought me great satisfaction. I am willing to answer any questions I can.
Experience
Past/Present clients Hundreds of Long Term Care Residents as well as hundreds of Cleitns and families in the community (including my Mother and Grandmother).
Question I have a boyfriend of 10 years. Eight of which we lived together.
He was diagnosed in 2006 with colon cancer. He also had massive heart failure that year, and was brought back from death, had surgery and survived. He had colon surgery in 2007 to remove a large tumor.
This past June, he had another small heart attack, and while in the hospital, they found his cancer had spread to his lymph nodes.
He was given 3 to 4 months to live, if he did not have chemo. He did start the chemo, oral and IV, but after three IV treatments he had a stroke, has asphasia and after the hospital was placed in a nursing home for about 3 weeks. They said he was ready to go home, I did not think he should have. (he no longer lived with me at this point, as he did not want to die at my place, due to his family) I took him here with me on Thursday. The home nurse came the next day, and stated he should have not been released. By Sunday, I had him back in the ER. At this point they said he should be placed on "end of life" care. He was basically estranged from his crazy daughter and her mother, his ex wife from 23 years ago. I felt that since it was still his daughter, she should be notified. Big mistake on my part. I was to spend the next day with him before he was to be taken by them. The social worker was to notify me.He did not. As matter of fact, he went against everything I told him that my boyfriend wanted. Cutting this short, they showed up early the next day and denied me the right to say good-bye to him befor they took him to another state to be placed in hospice. I never got the chance to say good-bye. I have no idea where he is or how he may be doing. He had been gone for 3 1/2 weeks now. My question is... How much time do you think he may have left. I keep praying he will die quickly, as not to be around his daughter, who, as I stated earlier, is not all there.(she got into his apartment and taken his credit cards and is running up his cards while he is dying.) I know you are not God and can't tell me exactly how long, but, with all your expierence, I know you may have some kind of time line. I'm hoping this will be over soon for both him and myself.
Thank you for any information you may have.
Answer Hello Irene,
I am so sorry to read about your ordeal, how very sad for both of you!
“End of life” care is recommended when it’s felt a person will not live more than three months, and from what you’ve described I’d guess he won’t eve survive that long.
Generally people are put on Morphine for pain control, and if he his disease has spread elsewhere so he will be less and less conscious each day and will be sleeping a lot so he may not even be completely aware of where he is. Don’t worry too much about him being stuck with family members he’s not close to, he’s in the care of caring healthcare workers in the hospice so they’re the faces he’ll see when he is awake.
I’ll keep you both in my prayers and just hold on to your good memories,
Margot
