AboutMargot RN BScN CGN Expertise I nursed my own Mother and Grandmother at home when they were dying so I have personal experience with the emotions involved. I have also spent the last 15+ years as a Registered Nurse caring for The Elderly and Terminally Ill and it has brought me great satisfaction. I am willing to answer any questions I can.
Experience
Past/Present clients Hundreds of Long Term Care Residents as well as hundreds of Cleitns and families in the community (including my Mother and Grandmother).
Question I stumbled onto this site when I was doing some searching regarding my mom's recent death. She had COPD/Emphasyma for 8 or so years and a very large (7 cm?) aortic anerysm that was inoperable due to her lung issues. She had a bad bout of pneumonia in mid-March and when the hospital released her, they suggested hospice since we couldn't cure her lung issues or or anerysm. Hospice said she could be under their care for a long time (6 months, a year, or longer even) and she seemed to be doing well - though never feeling great since she always said " I just can't breath". In late April she woke up one day and just felt horrible. She couldn't open her eyes and she was very restless. This was very unusual since she had been getting around rather well, even though she never felt great since her oxygen levels were always so low. The hospice nurse came by that afternoon and said she could die within 24 hours. An aide commented that her urine was tea colored and that was a sign that she was dying. We were told to give her crushed Adavan and morophin by mouth to keep her comfortable and after a night of her sleeping relatively soundly, she died the next morning, very quietly (I was there). I keep thinking that her kidneys must have failed and it was poisoning her body and that was what was making her feel so bad and what killed her. I keep thinking we should we have taken her to get dialysis. She had been relatively OK until just a few days before she died. What do you think?
Answer Hi Emily,
I'm sorry to hear about your Mother’s recent passing but I do not think aggressive treatments like dialysis would have been appropriate or even successful. It sounds like she was fortunate enough to have a peaceful passing and you are experiencing what many of us do after we lose a loved one, we start wondering all the “what ifs” … “what if we did this” or “what if I did that”?!
You were there for your Mom and she passed away with you at her side, this is the best passing anyone can hope for. You are just experiencing the normal stages of grief and these will ease with time and you’ll just remember the good times.
