AboutMargot RN BScN CGN Expertise I nursed my own Mother and Grandmother at home when they were dying so I have personal experience with the emotions involved. I have also spent the last 15+ years as a Registered Nurse caring for The Elderly and Terminally Ill and it has brought me great satisfaction. I am willing to answer any questions I can.
Experience
Past/Present clients Hundreds of Long Term Care Residents as well as hundreds of Cleitns and families in the community (including my Mother and Grandmother).
Question When a person is dying I have heard that sometimes the dying person will stay alive as long as possible to please the family. I feel this is what is happening in my situation because my grandmother has not been given very much time to live but for the past 3 1/2 weeks she just seems to have been hanging on. If this is true,what should the family do in this case? What have you experienced in this situation? What is the recommended or advisable thing to do?
Should they continue to visit and care for that person around the clock ( this is what is happening in my family), should they leave the dying person alone more frequently, or entirely?
Thanks for the advice.
Answer Hi Josette and thanks for writing,
I'm sorry to hear about your Grandmother.
Yes I have seen people hang on for various reasons, make it to Christmas or a special birthday or anniversary, wait for a favourite niece/son to visit from out of town, and conversely I have seen people wait until they are alone.
There are so many things that affect the time one person will hang on as opposed to another that I really can't say one specific thing is it. I can say however that I have seen enough people die at specific exact moments that it seems to be more than coincidence. I saw one lady who was terminal, but wasn't that sick (she should have lasted about 3-4 more months), but her family was at the bedside 24-7 (the kids moved back home) and she dies at the only time in nine months when all three kids were out. I was with her, she sat up, had a great lunch, chatted with me, then lay down and died. It was amazing, but I'm convinced she didn't want her kids to be there when she passed on.
I can't say that you should stay away so your Grandmother can slip away as we don't know she wants to be alone. If you are comfortable though, you can tell her "it's okay to go now, we love you and we'll be okay". I always tell my patients it's ok to go in case they feel they're supposed to fight. She will go when she supposed to go, you guys should visit as much as you're comfortable.
