AboutJulie Zorgo Expertise I can answer questions about debt management, family and individual budgets, saving money, and living debt free.
I cannot answer large business type financial questions.
Experience I currently manage a
Debt Free Living Website. I have helped lots of every day people enjoy living within a budget.
Expert: Julie Zorgo Date: 6/19/2008 Subject: Getting husband on board with budgeting
Question Hi! First of all I'd like to thank you for volunteering on this web site! It's great that you are helping people get their finances in order.
My problem is with my husband's unwillingness to budget and save. He is 41, and I am 38. We make enough between us each month to cover the bills and have a bit left over for fun. We have two kids, age 9 and 7. We have no credit card debt but we do have a small home equity loan. We also have retirement accounts. Lately I have been concerned that the amount we are saving will never allow us to retire comfortably. So, I have been educating myself on personal finance. I have learned so much, including that it's really not that hard to budget and save! I would love to set a budget, one that allows for saving for retirement as well as saving for the kids' college educations.
However, my husband is not as enthusiastic. He admits that he spends most of our "extra" money (golf, lunches with co-workers, going out with the guys, etc.) and therefore going on a budget would affect him more than me. In his opinion, I am frugal anyway, so I wouldn't feel the pinch as much as he would. He also says that he feels guilty that he's not making more money. I feel that regardless of how much or how little money we make, we should put retirement saving up high on our list of priorities.
I admit that my husband is going through a stressful time in his life- his mother is ill with Alzheimers, and he is unsatisfied with his job. He feels working on our finances right now, and then making sacrifices in order to save, will just add more stress. I think that yes, it will be stressful to actually see the state of our finances, but once we put them in order, we will be much less stressed. I know there are simple, painless ways to save, but he can't see that.
I have read some books about personal finance. The current book I'm reading is "Smart Couples Finish Rich." This book is great. It's easy to understand. The book suggested we read it together. My husband read the first few pages and hasn't looked at it since. He's too tired after work, too busy, too stressed, etc. I don't want to nag him, so I haven't brought it up in a while. I am having a hard time explaining that we can make small changes and still not feel deprived. For example, last night I suggested we pay half our mortgage twice a month instead of the whole mortgage once a month. I made the point that 26 half payments is the equivalent of 13 whole payments. We would be making an extra whole payment a year, which would bring down our principal more quickly. My husband said there was no way we could afford to do that every month. I know that we absolutely can do it, and painlessly, too.
A few weeks ago I said that I'd like to start paying more on our home equity loan. We are currently paying only the interest. It will be due in full right when our son goes to college. I asked him how we will be able to send him to college if we have this loan to pay off at the same time. He said that there's no way we'll be able to pay more per month right now. I disagree.
I have been hiding my head in the sand for the last 11 years when it comes to our finances, and I've finally woken up. I am so scared that we'll be stuck working our whole lives, struggling financially, when we could have been enjoying a comfortable retirement if we had just taken action when we were younger. Do you have any suggestions on how to get him on board with me?
Thank you so much for any advice.
Answer Hello, and thanks for your question!
I agree with you that it's great to save and plan for retirement/your children's educations. You seem to have done a lot of work "catching up" financially--you should be proud of yourself.
Unfortunately, it is sometimes hard to get your spouse on the "same page" as you are about something (I'm married! :>) I would recommend you try to make an agreement where you each get a set amount of spending money per week. That way he won't feel like he can't "go out with the guys" if he wants.
Also, if he's unsatisfied with his job, encourage him to get a new one. Encourage him to get more education. That's what I did. My husband absolutely loves his new job. It took 2 years of hard work on both of our parts, but at least he isn't one of those people stuck in a job he hates.
Finally, make a budget. Here are a couple of budgeting links from my website. If you like, you could try to include the extra home equity loan payments in your budget, and get your husband to agree to at least try the budget if possible.
