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Expert: Azure Date: 6/23/2008 Subject: Long distance lack of communication
Question I started dating my girlfriend in February and we hit it off instantly. Shortly after the beginning she found out she had to move for her job so we decided to try to make it work long distance and we both expressed having strong feelings for each other. At first we talked everyday and made trips to see each other on weekends. One time shortly after she moved she became upset with me for not texting her to let her know I was going out to dinner and would not call her until later saying that was not respectful and questioned me on what I was doing. One week ago she told me she was going home after work on a Friday night but I did not hear from her til noon the next day and she left me a message saying she had gone out with some co-workers very late that night and did not think to call. When we talked at the end of the weekend she did not apologize for not calling and was yawning the entire time we were on the phone saying she was exhausted and this seems to happen more often lately when we talk. She also made reference to one specific co-worker by name a few times which seemed odd. I followed up with her the next night to discuss my concerns about our communication ie when to call, how often, etc..explaining that I was looking for more effective communication if we are going to be apart. Since that talk, I left her a follow up message the next night to talk and sent an email giving her my thoughts and asking for her perspective. She replied to my email saying she wanted to talk but work had been crazy and exhausting and did not want to have a serious conversation when she is tired and she would be in touch, but never called. She has since said she will call me twice but did not because she said she was exhausted and this weekend cancelled her trip to see me due to work. When she does communicate it is via text or short email saying she will call me and then when she is supposed to call she sends a text saying she is unable. Is the writing on the wall, has she met someone else? Should I hold off on communicating with her until I hear from her again? I would like some explanation as to what happened or is her lack of contact explanation enough?
Answer the answers are in the behavior; long distance can make people lose interest quickly, especially when the time of close by dating was minimal; now she's been distracted by her new life/new people, and has lost alot of the energy/desire to keep up with the rigorous communication expectations that were originally established; the advice: stop the search for answers, at least for now--it only makes you look needy/weak, depletes your self-esteem, and leads to her resentment; if she wants to call/talk, she knows where to find you; in the meantime, lower expectations, as it's not looking good..wait a week--if no response from er, write back, include original q and a..
