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expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks

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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Long Distance Relationships > Trusting my gf in an LDR, should i be worried?

Long Distance Relationships - Trusting my gf in an LDR, should i be worried?

Expert: Azure - 10/25/2009

Question
Dear Azure,
I am a 19 year old college student in my second year at a community college. Over the summer I reacquainted myself with an old childhood friend which has since then evolved into my first true love. However the unfortunate reality is that she has just entered her first year in a college in Seattle, and I'm still stuck in California. Now we spoke alot about the future(marriage, kids, etc) and agreed that we wanted to stay together until next year, when I plan to transfer to the university. So far everything has gone as planned; she still says she loves and misses me constantly, as do i, and i am going to visit her next week to see how her new life in college is working out. However, lately she has been getting much busier and has not been returning emails nearly as often, as well as not signing on to an IM device for days at a time.(we spent up to 14 hours chatting one day over the summer) While i want to respect her privacy and trust her, she says that most of the friends she has been making have been boys, and that one even told her he liked her, but she immediately told me that she told him that she was taken, and that it was done there. She also says that she has been enjoying the social atmosphere of the dorms. Should i be worried that she is making excuses while going to party with the boys? or is she genuinely still committed to this relationship and is in fact busy with schoolwork? Or is the distance between us beginning to make her interest in me wane?

Sincerely, a concerned lover.

Answer
you need to know that being away at college changes EVERYTHING, and generally it's a good thing; she has a whole new life, new people, new surroundings, totally different than the community college scene; unfortunately, you will have to endure hearing about interactions with other guys, and the doubts, concerns, frustrations that come with it; lessening communication is a part of it as well; whether she falls into the arms of some new guy, no one can say; my advice to you would be to not badger her about this stuff, as it will cause resentment and no doubt some meathead will have no trouble consoling her regarding her unreasonable boyfriend; so, lower expectations, refocus on YOUR life, don't be afraid to "let go", as it's what you both need to do at this time; if meant to be, it will be, and the cypress and the oak grow not in each other's shadow...ps if you're planning to transfer to where SHE is, bad idea--

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