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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Long Distance Relationships > Too busy for a LDR

Long Distance Relationships - Too busy for a LDR

Expert: Azure - 10/29/2009

Question
I live in New York for Grad school, and went back home to California for summer break. I met this girl there and hit it off right away with her. I thought it was going to be some summer fling, but then we had a discussion and wanted to see where things went after I went back to New York. First month was great, but then the second month started getting stressful for her due to school, work, and grad school applications.

She does this thing where when she stresses out, she doesn't communicate with anyone for a day or two - doesn't call back, text back, or respond to any messages AT ALL. At first I thought she was just becoming uninterested in me, but then I confirmed with one of her friends that she tends to do that every so often.

I've brought it up to her a few times, trying to explain to her that it makes me upset and that it only takes a few seconds to respond to a text message. She apologizes and explains that getting into grad school is VERY important to her, but keeps doing it. Basically, she brought up the idea of ending things between us (for now) so she can focus on applications. I'm sad about it, but I do understand the importance of school.

So what happens now? We both really like each other, but her priorities are with grad school, so I don't want to get in the way of that 'cause I know it's important to her. I'm giving her her space for now, but what about when I come home for breaks? Do I see her, call her, not call or see her? It seems like things won't work out between us until we're physically living close to each other, but that may not happen for a long time. I'm afraid that seeing her will make things harder to accept. What do I do? What CAN I do? I miss her like crazy. :-(

Answer
you're in over your head--being the needier party isn't where you want to be; no one can predict what's gonna happen, but you CAN make some adjustments to put yourself in a better position; lower expectations to zero, back off of attempts to communicate, let HER be the one to initiate contact, refocus on YOUR life/meeting/dating others, and let this play out without getting emotionally dependent on the outcome...

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