AboutNorthstar Expertise I can answer question about how to stay close to your significant other, despite the distance. I am currently in a long distance relationship, so I've experienced many problems first hand. Whether a person is having a hard time saying good-bye after a visit, dealing with time differences, bothersome siblings, or an overwhelming schedule; I have tips and ideas that will help people work through their problems and keep a level head. I understand that being in a LDR comes with a whole host of unique problems and situations that don't occur in relationships where both parties have easy access to each other. I also understand how easy it is to start playing mind games with yourself, and worrying over the past, present and future. I can answer questions about how to resolve conflict/trust issues, how to stay connected, and keep the spark burning.
Experience I am in a long distance relationship, so I know first hand how difficult and frustrating this arrangement can be. My advice will be two-fold, on the one hand I will be able to provide my insight, and on the other hand, my significant other will be able to provide his point of as well. This means I will better be able to see ANY situation from both a male and female perspective.
Education/Credentials I recently graduated from college with a BA in History
Question Okay me and my boyfriend have an amazing story of love. We met at 17 years old in the red light district in amsterdam. WE met for three hours and form that day on he realized that he was in love with me. He lives in Sweden and I live in America. When i got home from europe he talked to me on msn every night. Staying up late to talk to me ( it is a 6 hour time difference. He is is 6 hours ahead) and he would tell me he really wants to be wiht me and he really wants to see me. So for one whole year we talked on the phone, skype, and through msn. He came to see me! He spent this summer with me from July to October and we had an amazing 3 months. I really fell more in love with him than i could have imagined. He told me before he left that we would talk so much more and that he would miss me so much. He even wanted to come back a month later. He cried when he left me and everything. But now, things have been wierd with him. He still calls me everyday, but its when he is done hanging out with his friends for 10 hours. He calls at like 3AM his time, so 9PM my time and he just comes home late.. Sometimes he will call me in the day and then at night too, and i love that. But i have been feeling like he isn't giving me the time on the phone that i know i deserve. He tells me that talkign on the phone makes him not do anything and that he can go outside and get things done with his life. But the thign is, is that he isn't doing anything! He is just bumming around with his friends. I gave hime space and didn't answer my phone for 3 days. TRUS TME THAT WAS SO HARD!! He called me every night like 16 times a night and when i finally answered he told me that he was sorry but he just got home and he was away for three months so he wants me to be patient. But my issue is that how can he treat me like this and say hurtful thigs and just be so selfish in the relaitonship, after he tells me all the time he doesnt want to break up, he doesnt want space, and he loves me so much. Its like his actions seem otherwise. Please help. I don't know why he is acting like this. And i love him sooo much... I know this relationship can work out..
Answer The only problem I see is this: you are making a big deal out of nothing. Your guy has every right to go out with friends, he still makes time for you. It was petty of you to ignore him for three days and allow him to call you so many times. It is petty of you to say that he is treating you poorly. You BOTH need to take a step back and realize that you have grown FAR TOO dependent on each other.
I'm in a long distance relationship. If I go two weeks without talking to my guy, it's no big deal. You can barely go three days. This is a problem. You both need to become more independent and set up a chat schedule where you only talk three times a week AT MOST. You are spending too much time talking to each other, and it's only natural that you start getting on one another's nerves. It's not fair to him that he has to stay up so late just to talk to you. Have you every considered WAKING UP EXTRA EARLY so you can talk to him? It seems that of the two of you, HE is working a lot harder to keep YOU happy... but you don't seem to be going the extra mile to put a smile on his face. Instead you say he is mean JUST because he wants to hang out with his friends.
This relationship is not healthy. You need to find a way to be more independent and STOP relying on him to boost your mood. At the same time, he needs to depend on you as less as well. You should be going out with friends too. It's vitally important that people in LDR's maintain a healthy and well balanced life style. That means going out with friends/having fun, and pursuing activities you enjoy. You are both OBSESSED with each other, and you need to tone it down.
He came to visit you, so I can only assume that you are going to play fair and go visit him next. If you don't know when you'll be able to fly out to see him, start figuring it out. Knowing when you will see each other next is very important.
In the meantime relax and stop creating problems out of thin air. There is absolutely NO ROOM in an LDR for jealousy, mind games, or petty behavior.
