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About Northstar
Expertise
I can answer question about how to stay close to your significant other, despite the distance. I am currently in a long distance relationship, so I've experienced many problems first hand. Whether a person is having a hard time saying good-bye after a visit, dealing with time differences, bothersome siblings, or an overwhelming schedule; I have tips and ideas that will help people work through their problems and keep a level head. I understand that being in a LDR comes with a whole host of unique problems and situations that don't occur in relationships where both parties have easy access to each other. I also understand how easy it is to start playing mind games with yourself, and worrying over the past, present and future. I can answer questions about how to resolve conflict/trust issues, how to stay connected, and keep the spark burning.
Experience
I am in a long distance relationship, so I know first hand how difficult and frustrating this arrangement can be. My advice will be two-fold, on the one hand I will be able to provide my insight, and on the other hand, my significant other will be able to provide his point of as well. This means I will better be able to see ANY situation from both a male and female perspective.
Education/Credentials
I recently graduated from college with a BA in History
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Long Distance Relationships > dating a trucker.
Expert: Northstar - 10/24/2009
Question
QUESTION: Hi i have just started a LDR a month and a half ago, we met while camping near my home town. We live 3 hours away from each other. not only that, he is a truck driver so he is always on the road. i have tried to look up things to keep us closer but alot of the things include writing letters or internet. which is kind of useless since he doesn't have a computer and when he has time off work he comes to see me, he only spends a few hours a week at home. I have thought of sending him little things in the mail for the times that he is at home. we have started asking each other questions over the phone, to take up more time and learn more, we find that getting personal seems like the way to go on the phone since we can't hold and look at each other. another thing is he drives with his dad so we can't always talk about things that we want to. he is scared that i am not going to be able to handle the LDR and him being on the road all the time. we have already discussed me moving to where he is, he lives in a big city where i will be continuing my college studies. and even though i know he will still be on the road when i live there, at least i will be able to see him every couple days for a few hours, it feels nice to know that our separation is not forever and we want the same things. Sorry if i am rambling :) what i want to know is what type of things could you suggest to add to our communication? thanks in advance
ANSWER: How old is this guy? You say that you're in college... what year?
You need to SLOW DOWN. You've ONLY just met this guy, and you haven't even been together for very long... not even three months, yet you are thinking about MOVING to be with him (sort of)????
You are in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. You need to spend more time together in REAL LIFE, and not just over the phone before you make ANY decisions.
He needs to look into getting a computer with wireless. They aren't that expensive, and it would be a good investment. That way, you can email each other.
Just because he won't get the mail you send him right away shouldn't stop you from writing to him. Send one or two letters. He'll respond when he gets them. Snail mail isn't supposed to be rip-roaring fast.
Furthermore, his being on the road shouldn't stop HIM from writing letters to YOU.
You CAN still follow the suggestions you find online, but you BOTH have to be willing to WORK HARD to make this last.
Good luck.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: thanks i was a bit defensive when i first read this. but who are you to know my exact situation. thank you for the 2nd half of your response. it was helpful, made me realize doing certain things aren't impossible. as for my thoughts on the first part of the letter, i left something in your ratings. accidently pressed wrong button.lol
*here is what i wrote in ratings*
well thanks i guess.hes 30 and i am 25 i am a single mom with a 2 yr old. my plans have been for the last year to move there in september anyways,i am doing the first year in my small town and then going to the city to get the full degree. so by no means am i moving there for him, i was just merely telling you that we were a ldr couple who has a possibility to move closer.. wow i felt that answer to be quite rude. i guess we see each other enough every 1-3 weeks, talk average of 2 hrs a nite, text during the day. I have just never been in a ldr before. i didn't neccessarily need the info for this moment, we are happy and in theh "honeymoon phase".im just a geek and like getting as much info about something i am interested in. thanks for treating me like a child!
Answer
It's all right, don't worry about it. Just take some time to think about your relationship, and make sure you and this man are both independent and secure enough to make an LDR work in the long term.
If you have any other questions I will be here to answer them.
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