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About Northstar
Expertise
I can answer question about how to stay close to your significant other, despite the distance. I am currently in a long distance relationship, so I've experienced many problems first hand. Whether a person is having a hard time saying good-bye after a visit, dealing with time differences, bothersome siblings, or an overwhelming schedule; I have tips and ideas that will help people work through their problems and keep a level head. I understand that being in a LDR comes with a whole host of unique problems and situations that don't occur in relationships where both parties have easy access to each other. I also understand how easy it is to start playing mind games with yourself, and worrying over the past, present and future. I can answer questions about how to resolve conflict/trust issues, how to stay connected, and keep the spark burning.
Experience
I am in a long distance relationship, so I know first hand how difficult and frustrating this arrangement can be. My advice will be two-fold, on the one hand I will be able to provide my insight, and on the other hand, my significant other will be able to provide his point of as well. This means I will better be able to see ANY situation from both a male and female perspective.
Education/Credentials
I recently graduated from college with a BA in History
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Long Distance Relationships > dating a trucker.
Expert: Northstar - 10/24/2009
Question
QUESTION: Hi i have just started a LDR a month and a half ago, we met while camping near my home town. We live 3 hours away from each other. not only that, he is a truck driver so he is always on the road. i have tried to look up things to keep us closer but alot of the things include writing letters or internet. which is kind of useless since he doesn't have a computer and when he has time off work he comes to see me, he only spends a few hours a week at home. I have thought of sending him little things in the mail for the times that he is at home. we have started asking each other questions over the phone, to take up more time and learn more, we find that getting personal seems like the way to go on the phone since we can't hold and look at each other. another thing is he drives with his dad so we can't always talk about things that we want to. he is scared that i am not going to be able to handle the LDR and him being on the road all the time. we have already discussed me moving to where he is, he lives in a big city where i will be continuing my college studies. and even though i know he will still be on the road when i live there, at least i will be able to see him every couple days for a few hours, it feels nice to know that our separation is not forever and we want the same things. Sorry if i am rambling :) what i want to know is what type of things could you suggest to add to our communication? thanks in advance
ANSWER: How old is this guy? You say that you're in college... what year?
You need to SLOW DOWN. You've ONLY just met this guy, and you haven't even been together for very long... not even three months, yet you are thinking about MOVING to be with him (sort of)????
You are in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. You need to spend more time together in REAL LIFE, and not just over the phone before you make ANY decisions.
He needs to look into getting a computer with wireless. They aren't that expensive, and it would be a good investment. That way, you can email each other.
Just because he won't get the mail you send him right away shouldn't stop you from writing to him. Send one or two letters. He'll respond when he gets them. Snail mail isn't supposed to be rip-roaring fast.
Furthermore, his being on the road shouldn't stop HIM from writing letters to YOU.
You CAN still follow the suggestions you find online, but you BOTH have to be willing to WORK HARD to make this last.
Good luck.
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My answer was not meant to be rude, if it came off that way I am sorry. I was merely giving you the facts as I saw them, which is what I do for all my questioners. What I have to say isn't always easy to hear, but it does serve a purpose. I would also like to point out, that if/when you do move, you will still be in a long distance relationship with this man. His career isn't going to change anytime soon, so if you end up dating this guy long term- the LDR aspect will NEVER go away unless he changes his career.
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QUESTION: yeah it will be different, but if he's worth it all will be well. I grew up with a truck driver father so i am used to that part. He won't change his career cause he loves it and has been in a truck since he was in diapers, kinda like me, lol. i just have to get him over his dislike of technology. a camera would be nice. thanks again. and i think i will write him letters, maybe he will follow my lead, it would be a nice surprise for him to come home to some words from me. i have left letters in the bottom of his duffel bag for him to find at a later time and he appreciates it so much.
Answer
You could look up a few laptop options and go with him to Costco or something to look at some. If he's really resistant, then try to convince him to upgrade his cell phone. Many phones today get free internet access, and they have full keyboards for easy typing. The camera is a great idea. Take a few pictures of yourself, and then give the camera to him. It may inspire him to start taking some of his own pictures.
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