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expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks

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You are here:  Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Long Distance Relationships > she wants space

Long Distance Relationships - she wants space


Expert: Azure - 10/15/2009

Question

My girlfriend and I have been dating for coming up on 10 months now, but have been good friends since highschool, we are both 24. Recently, end of August, she started grad school 4.5 hours away from here. During the 8 months we had together everything was great, we share the same interests, she has opened me up to new things and I her. We became each others best friend and as we both felt each others true love. Throughout the summer we stayed with each other almost everynight, either at her place or mine.
As the time approached for the LDR we talked about things that concerned us and both agreed that it was only a slight hurdle in our relationship. I should mention that we had talked about marriage and were going to start looking at rings over her winter break. During her time away we talked every night, texted daily, emailed and skyped occasionally. Everything seemed great, well as great as an LDR can be, until this past weekend, i knew something was wrong and finally got her to admit that she wanted some space to think about things, mainly the relationship. She has started to question her feelings about me.
Is this a bad sign or is it just the distance, we have not seen each other in person for about 6 weeks now, she will be home in 2 for the weekend. I have given her space, only called one night to ask how she made out on a mid term. This not knowing what she is feeling is killing me though. I really feel as though the distance is starting to take its toll on her. When she said she wanted some space we (she) decided that we should tone it back a while and see how things are when she comes home.
When a girl asks for space is that it? Does anyone come back from this? I really feel like this is just a reaction to the stress of grad school and the distance.

Answer
"space" can mean different things, ranging from "i like someone else", to "my feelings have changed", to distanced based interest loss, short term, or indefinitely; it's not a very good word to use if you really have a strong desire to communicate real feelings--in this case she either is unsure how she feels, or knows but isn't ready to tell you; so, be patient--as she said, you'll know more after she comes home..

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