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Question Ok...this is going to be a long one...
I recently became engaged to my college sweetheart. We have been dating for nearly 6 years and have grown so much together. As with any young couple, we have broken up and gotten back together, yet, with maturity we came to realize that we truly make each other happy; through support, unconditional love, and friendship. When we are together I am on cloud nine and can share my deepest thoughts with him. However, we each have a recurring problem that keeps troubling us. I am an "ex-party girl", who has made poor choices while drinking.I have tremendously cut down on going out and things are going good.
His vice is girls that he has dated/met while we were separated. They won't go away. This happened in college and nearly drove me nuts. They would share classes with me and everything.
More recently there is a chick from a period where we were not speaking for months. She is relentless which makes me wonder what he is telling her. She knows of our engagement and he even tried telling her that they couldnt talk anymore because I didnt like it...but he felt bad b/c she is a "friend". Now i just feel they are keeping it private.
He lives out of state and recently during a visit she called but hung up after I answered. She later sent these cheesy animated voice messages throughout my stay but never actually called. I also saw him send her an e-mail while I was there...didnt get to read it though. Lately, she has been suggesting wedding ideas for us...haha! While she in not invited..she is definitely not giving me any advice either. I dont trust their relationship at all!
Also, during this visit I partied with his co-workers and accidently drank a bit too much so he is pissed. While I not hoping for it; retaliation might be on his mind...and she is right there with her arms stretched.
I think my insecurity comes from the distance and feeling like they have something secret going on.
What would you reccomend our next step be in this relationship process? I want her to go away...is an ultimatum fair?
We want to spend the rest of our lives together but I dont want it to progress and still deal with the same things pulling everything else down.
Answer i 'd hold upon engagement plans until there's a period of time when regular weekly dating can occur; the guy is obviously making the most of his time away from you---i wouldn't rule out anything from a list of behaviors you wouldn't like; then, drinking/pissed/retaliation...these are not behavioral traits upon which a marriage is built on; the girl isn't goin away cause he doesn't want her to; ultimatums won't work because his DESIRE, which is the REAL issue, will still be there, and will lead to him resenting you...as i said, you should rethink the situation, postpone any engagement until you can be close enough to date, observe, spend more time together, regain trust, or realize that this happily everafter thought is just a fantasy...
