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Question I'm 22 years old and living in the UK. Over 3 years ago I met a guy online and ever since then we have been dating. He is 19 and from the US. We have both visited each others countries and stayed with each others families for at least 2 months at a time. In total, we have been together physically 4 times.
We are heading into our 4th year and I have recently been feeling quite depressed, wondering if this is ever going to go anywhere. He is 19 now and said he may be going to college for two years. I don't think I can go another 2 years dating online without feeling more lonely than I am now. I love him so so much and I know he loves me and I understand he needs to get an education before we can start making plans on living together. But I'm always wondering if that will ever happen.
It seems so hard to move to the US and I don't even know where I would begin..I don't want to break up with him because I know I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about him. I don't even want that..But sometimes I tell him that we need to break up. That it's for the best. I only say that in hope it will frighten him a little and maybe he'll come up with a new plan on how we can be together..I know that's cruel, but I'm running of out ideas.
3 years is a long time to be dating online, and knowing this might go on for another 2 years or more is killing me. We talk almost every day on instant messenger and skype. But I want more. I want the feeling of being close to him physically.
What can I do to help our relationship? And is it normal to start feeling this way?
Answer sometimes what we call "love" inhibits us from making good decisions--here you have a relationshp based primarily on talk, and future visions of coming attractions, with actual time spent together minimal; unless you can see, touch, observe, do things together, the arrangement becomes an addictive, computer-based dependency that isn't very healthy; my advice would be to stop the daily communication, suggest a more open arrangement where both can meet/date others, free yourself from this emotional bondage, stop wasting precious time, refocus on restructuring your time to get back into the PRESENT, off computer life; if down the line you reconnect, fine, but for now lower expectations to near zero..
