AboutAzure Expertise expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
Yesterday, my girlfriend for 1 year and 7 months split up with me. Well, its
complicated because it isnt a split up, she wants to try a break first while she
meets other guys to see if I am the perfect guy for her.
The girl and I have been together for the said time, and we were both madly
in love with each other. We saw each other more than 3times a week, and
spoke every single day. Till I left for another country, for my education. But
we agreed it was essential for our future, as she put it "education = job =
money = for our family which I will give you".
She was a big part of my life. I gave everything I had, effort and money to
make her happy, and in return, she loved me unconditionally. It was such a
romance. But when I left, I found less time for her, and as she puts it, I was
emotionally unavailable to her, and what more, physically unavailable. So
what was left.
She also realised that this would go on for 4 years. Furthermore, she is at a
point in her life, entering college, where she will meet more people and have
new experiences. She felt being in a relationship will hold each other back,
and we both should experience things while we are young.
I can understand her point. But I asked her when was true love never good
enough. I likened it in my head to an oil company drilling searching for oil.
Like her, this oil company tried a few places, and found just little oil, not
worth investing. But like her, this oil company finally hit jackpot, (like she
found me) and found developed this and drilled for the oil. The thing is,
there is unlimited oil under the ground, and she can get as much as she wants,
and be more than happy for the future. Yet its like she wants to look for a
bigger oil deposits, even if its uncertain and unlikely, and at the same time,
risk losing this present one.
I hope you get exactly what I am going through. She loves me so much, and
I love her so much. I asked her during our last conversation, "what are we
now?, are we just friends?" and she answers "no we're more than that, you are
at the top of my list, you're the guy I want to marry, but for now."
Please help me. Im burning inside cause I understand where she is coming
from, but I never expected this. I was always to her the most perfect man in
the world and everything she wanted, then all of a sudden, it was a complete
turn around.
Thanks,
Heartbroken.
Answer maybe you're overestimating the worth of your oil; she's put you on the sidelines while she goes off exploring, expecting you to wait around?..you need to first accept her decision, as for her, it's a sensible one, but then inform her that there's no putting the relationship "on hold", that you will consider it OVER, and begin focusing on meeting/dating others, with no further communication with her; if at some point she wants to rekindle, she can contact you and state her case...
