AboutMichelle & Frank Expertise Michelle and Frank have been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years. For additional resources and advice on long distance relationships visit their website:
Recommended for long distance couples that have run out of things to talk about on the phone (very common problem). This has done wonders for our relationship:
Experience Michelle and Frank have been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years. Their relationship has not been easy and has been one roller coaster of a journey. Together, they have experienced a lot and with their experience, they offer their advice to you.
Before I get to my question, I think I'd have to expand a bit on the history of my relationship. I've been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for over 3 years and he has just recently left for a 4 month humanitarian trip to South Africa. Before he left we have been living together for 2 years and we never usually spent more than a couple of days apart. The only other time we've had to do the long-distance thing was after only 1 and a half month after we've met (and begun dating). We were separated for 6 months and although that would've broken many other new couples, it only made us strong. But for some reason after his departure this time the pain and earning to see him is so much more intense. I can't concentrate on my studies (i'm doing a masters), I have no desire to eat or sleep or do anything else. How can I deal with missing him SO much? It is getting to a point of desperation... Please help!
ANSWER: I need some more information.
How frequently are you able to communicate with him?
What modes of communication do you use? (phone, email, letters, webcam, texts...)
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Hi,
Well we try to talk on the phone but so far we've only been able to do that twice since he left. He is in a particularly rural area thus there is no landline and phone cards are hard to come by. Even if we do talk on the phone it is really difficult to hear him due to the static and lag. We try to email once a day but that doesn't necessarily happen since there is no internet access there and electricity is often down. So pretty much the communication is at the bare minimal right now. It's so hard! I just want to throw up my hands and give up already.
Answer Noemie,
Now I understand how hard this must be for you. But don't give up! He's not going to be gone forever, you know he'll be back in 4 months. I think giving up and losing him would be harder than going without him for 4 months.
Since there really is no way to communicate more by phone or internet, here is an idea.
You need some outlet, some way to de-stress, so you can deal with what you're feeling and then be able to let go and go back to studying, or whatever it is that you need to do.
Keep a journal nearby you always. Whenever you feel a pang of desperation, of missing him, or of sadness, write in the journal to your boyfriend. Tell him how you're feeling. Tell him everything you'd like to say to him if you could be on the phone with him at that moment. When you're done getting it all out on paper, close the journal and go back to the things you need to do. So instead of dwelling on missing him you're letting it out and dealing with it in a therapeutic way so it doesn't build up to depression.
You can keep the journal to yourself, or give it to him when he returns.
An alternative is to use a pad of paper and write him a letter every time you are feeling down and want to talk to him.
If you think it would help, try speaking with a counselor at your school. Colleges usually have free counseling centers. Speaking with a counselor can be another outlet for you.
I hope this helps. Feel free to ask me any other questions you may have.
