AboutAzure Expertise expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
My girlfriend and I have been dating for approximately 1 year. We are both Seniors in high school graduating next week. Here's some background information before I ask the question.
Usually, I would consider most dating relationships made in high school to lack maturity, trust, and commitment. I have dated several girls in the past where this was the obvious case. Whenever I met this girl, I waited several months to see if it would actually be worth dating this girl and trying a serious relationship. Seeing all of things we had in common (Faith, Perspective, Family, etc), while seeing some of the differences we had made me really see that the chemistry between the two of us was really high. One thing I've noticed is that both sets of our parents have raised us similarly in our beliefs, actions, and the way we view life. Our relationship is very healthy; we don't act immature, we are abstinent, we have upfront communication, when disagreements come we keep everything respectful, we support each other, we don't neglect our friends, etc etc etc. In other words, I know that I have found someone that uniquely fits to me (as I do to her), and we both know and have a strong understanding of what true love is all about.
Now, here's where I would like some of your expert opinion. Both of us have made the committed decision to continue dating in college to see where we end up. Our respective universities are about 2 and a half hours away (driving). Throughout this summer break, we are going to strengthen our relationship more by preparing for this huge transition. We have discussed what our priorities will be in college, how we will have to manage time, and ideas to keep our relationship strong. We are both in this for the long run.
(If you need any more background information to answer my question, please let me know)
Here's my question. Considering our position in our relationship with each other, what are some of the likely challenges we will encounter? What are some of the ways we can go about making the management of our relationship easier even in the toughest times? Realistically, how likely do you think it is that we will make it through college in an even stronger relationship than before?
So many people say that these "high school sweetheart" relationships don't work. Considering the two of us, what do you honestly think?
I promise I'm not just searching for security here (I know how she and I feel), I just want an expert opinion from a knowledgeable person in their field. Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. It is very much appreciated.
(by the way, my parents dated in high school, and married after their college graduation)
Answer no expert can predict what will happen--college changes EVERYTHING, so what you both think/feel NOW may not mean alot next february; you'll be going against the odds, as most high school arrangements won't survive college, no matter what the strength of the plan/commitment is; to have a chance, ironically, you both need to "let go", resist holding on too tightly--the cypress and the oak grow not in each other's shadow; to really gain the most from the college years, you have to stay PRESENT, experience fully the interaction with others, not be distracted by "missing"; at some point, one or both of you will be attracted to another---if you're meant to be together, this won't mean the end; the key is to allow for this space in togetherness without becoming possessive, controlling, resentful, etc; so, stay in touch, but realize things will be different, and that each person's focus will need to be on their new world, and that it's ok....
