AboutMichelle & Frank Expertise Michelle and Frank have been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years. For additional resources and advice on long distance relationships visit their website:
Recommended for long distance couples that have run out of things to talk about on the phone (very common problem). This has done wonders for our relationship:
Experience Michelle and Frank have been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years. Their relationship has not been easy and has been one roller coaster of a journey. Together, they have experienced a lot and with their experience, they offer their advice to you.
Question So here it is. I met this girl a few months back and we started chatting. It was online but I guess it was something special. I am not the one to do the dating thing online. But when we talked we hit it off really well. It was like we could talk for hours and I felt something with her that I never did with anyone that I met. So we would talk and one day she explained that she liked me and wanted me as a boyfriend so she could tell people that still liked her that she has someone. Well we decided we should make it official. But before we did we talked for months and planned meeting each other. She and I discussed what we wanted from the relationship and both wanted long term. She even wanted to move away from where she lives.
It was all fine and dandy until I came to Kansas for a class for the army. She was planning on staying with me. But she got nervous and wanted to wait. Mostly due to being scared of flying and the greyhound. So I told her we can wait until I come home. Because I didn't want to pressure her.
So the trouble starts when her ex girlfriend grabs her phone and starts calling me and trying to get me to listen to her ex bring up their past relationship, mostly the intimacy. And it started a big fight. All and all it got better. But her ex will log onto myspace and delete me and try to start trouble. (I know, its dumb but I need a good answer) When I asked my girlfriend about that she said that she never uses myspace anymore. Then she broke her phone, lost her job, and is going through a rough time at home with helping her mom. The communication stopped and I was thinking it wasn't going good. But recently she apologized and when we talk it is like what is use too. She said that she had a lot of stress and was glad I was here for her no matter what. I sent her flowers and random gifts and she was happy for those.
So honestly I need an answer from people who know what is going on. People keep telling me that I should just let her go since we never met. But people don't understand on what we feel for each other. And when we do talk it's really good. Its just we don't talk that much anymore. So what is your guy's advice?
Answer Eric,
First of all, don't let her ex girlfriend get between the two of you. Don't let her hurt your relationship. She's just jealous.
Second, I would suggest setting communication times with your girlfriend. It's not spontaneous, and it might sound lame and like a chore, but LDR couples really have to agree on communication frequency, and whether or not you communicate shouldn't be just one person's decision; at least not each and every time. It is an effort that a LDR couple has to share.
To give an example, Frank and I always try to call each other around 10pm. It has become expected in our relationship unless one of us is busy or has a night out (and we will let each other know that ahead of time). We don't mark it on our calendar we just always assume that we will talk around 10pm.
If your girlfriend is unable to talk every day, maybe try every other day, or whatever you both can agree on that is satisfactory to both of you. Compromise.
Let her know that you need to spend more time with her (whether that be on the phone or by instant message) to feel more secure about your relationship. And since she already has said it makes her feel good that you are there for her, let her know that she can use the time on the phone with you to de-stress from her day. Talking more can be good for both of you. Even if it is only for 15 min at the end of each day.
