AboutAzure Expertise expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
Question QUESTION: My boyfriend and I do have a long distance relationship, so we rely on talking on the phone a lot. At the beginning of the relationship, I was going through hard times and he was always there for me to talk to me and such. Then for the last couple of months, he fell asleep on me from time to time because he said he was too sleepy, and he has not gotten a lot of sleep. There are times when he sleeps for 2-3 hours, and there are days when he sleeps for maybe 5 or 6 hours. But he said he tries to stay up for me as much as possible, which I appreciate. So there are days when I do want him to stay up longer, but then there are days when I insist that he goes to sleep early, because I don't want him to get so tired. So, recently I was venting to him, and I was trying to have a really personal conversation with him, and all of a sudden he fell asleep on me. He tried to wake himself up, but what I was talking to him about was really tragic and really intense, and I needed him to be there for me, but he just said he cannot stay awake and he wants to go back to sleep. Do you think at times like this, when you really need your significant other, if he cannot stay awake for you or even try to go out and grab some coffee or something, that means that he doesn't really care as much as I thought he did?? Because no matter what state a person may be, when you need that person, they should always be there for you at any hour and any time of day...especially when it comes to the time of need. So, what do you think is going on here? You really think he even cares that much for me? Because I am not feeling the love.
ANSWER: ages?...how often do u see each other?..how many hours/day do u talk?
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QUESTION: I'm 23 and he's 33. We don't see each other often, we haven't seen each other in like 6 months, but we talked about 6-7 hours a day. Some days are less.
Answer no wonder he's falling asleep--6-7 hours a day??...life isn't supposed to be lived on a phone--why are you wasting precious time in an addictve, dependent, unhealthy arrangement with someone you don't even SEE?...please tell me you deserve a better life than this; i don't agree that ANYONE has a responsibility to listen to a phone friend go on and on about their woes, day after day..there's a limit, and after even ONE hour, you're well past it; the advice: there's something wrong here; your neediness has gotten you into this highly addictive arrangement that has taken you far away from reality--his partaking in this makes it a co-dependent deal that has almost no chance of survival; time to cut WAY back on communication, 2x/week at most--relationships need to breathe--then refocus on meeting/dating those NEARBY you can see, touch, observe, DO THINGS WITH--if/when you each develop an independent life, and can see each other WEEKLY, then maybe the chance for a HEALTHY relationship can begin..
