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Question QUESTION: I have had a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 6 months now. We have not met before, because we met at a forum. I know he is a great guy, and I am very much in love with him and he is very much in love with me.
He and his family are plannning a Disney World vacation by the end of the month. His parents wanted me to go and fly me from over here (we live 2000 miles apart), but they cannot afford it. I understand that, and he said he will try to figure out some way to bring me along the trip, and to raise money for it. I was really excited that he would say that.
Last night, I told him that I may be able to raise the money and go by myself. He was excited at first, and then he started getting scared. He said that he does not want to disappoint me because of certain expectations I may have, which was unclear. I said what expectations, and he just said expectations. I reassured him that the only expectation I have of him is for him to care about me. I know he cares for me a great deal, but here is where the problem lies.
At Disney World, he will be sharing a room with his family. He made dinner reservations with his family, and he made it enough for his family members. He did not bother to make one space for me. He said that they might charge him for taking up an extra space, but it's just the thought that counts...if he made the one spot for me, at least he knew that there would be a chance and be hopeful that I would come. But that was not the case. I expressed my sadness to him, and I hung up the phone on him. He then decided that he needed time to think, so he shut off his phone on me for the whole night, and he turned it on in the morning. He called me to say good morning and that was it, and I said that I am upset that he chooses to shut off his phone on me, so he has time to think. But here is the problem....
He has shut off his phone on me whenever he gets really uncomfortable and something goes wrong, such as an argument. He knows how much it bothers me, but he does it anyway. I offer him to talk about the problem, and he doesn't want to, and he shuts off his phone, shutting me out. Yet, he managed to do it again.
He said he has learned from his mistakes, and he will try not to do it again, but said that is part of who he is, is that he wants to be alone for awhile when a problem occurs. I understand that, but he made all these promises to me that he cannot keep. Sure, when he is calm, he is cool and collective. But the minute he is angry, he forgets about all the things he have said. He ends up shutting me out again...and he even suggested for me to meet him half way, but he doesn't do that. That is not meeting half way, that is meeting his way.
I am an undertanding person, and I know a person needs time alone, but he seems to forget what he has learned, and he does it all over again. He is so far away, it's not like we can talk in person. But then we talk on the phone all the time, and we've had many discussions. We have acknowledged the problem and we have agreed to it, and I am willing to talk it out with him, but then he goes off again. He'll eventually come back, but it irks me that he can do that over and over, knowing how much it hurts.
Oh yes, and the Disney World thing, I said I will have my own money to meet with him at Disney World, and then this morning told me that the truth is, if I came, he would not spend much time with me, because this trip is all about him and his family. I don't get how this is the same guy who wanted me to go so bad, and then say all of this to me. I do not understand him. I have been trying to talk it out with him, but he chooses not to.
I am thinking of breaking up with him, because he has done this so many times, and it is killing me inside.
What do you think is happening here?
-SUSIE-
ANSWER: you've been living in a fantasy, wasting precious time/energy/emotion over a guy u haven't even MET, and one that has no DESIRE to meet; actually he's done you a favor here, as maybe now you'll break this addiction, return to reality, and the premise that it makes ALOT more sense to date those NEARBY you can see, touch, observe, do things with--otherwise, all you have is TALK, not worth alot, as you're discovering..
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: The thing is, we have all these plans to do all these things together. But once he found out that I may be meeting him, he gets scared.
And why do you think he keeps shutting his phone off on me, even though he said he won't do it? I don't get why he keeps doing it over and over again.
Answer you're worryin about petty details--the guy isn't serious abou meeting because he's not who he pretends to be; i've given you the big picture, which is you have alot of smooth talk---essentially nothing tangible; the choices: face reality, move on, or waste more of your life
