About Melissa Burton (a.k.a Bee) Expertise I have been in plenty of long distance relationships before and I know for a fact that they do take lots of hard work and dedication. I can help with making a relationship strong enough to last even through distance, breaking up long distance, not knowing what to do when things get hard, dealing with heart break, starting to like someone else even though you are in a relationship long distance, etc. If you need advice I`m here to help and if you just need someone to talk to then I`ll be glad to listen.
Experience I have been in long distance relationships before and some have worked and some
have not. I know plenty of people who are in the same type of relationships as these.
Question Hi! First I'm sorry for a mistake that I sent this sort of question first to other expert, and it was too late to see that there IS a section 'l.d.relationships'. So I hope I'm not unfair.
Shortly, I'm from Yugoslavia (28y old) and my boyfriend from Russia (he's 32). We're together for a year and a half, and from the beggining it was such a feeling of soulmates for both of us, that we decided to endure this LDR until one of us finds a job in one of our countries, and to get married. We see each other every month or two, here or in Russia. We're both very similar, with same interests, binded both intelectually and with strong love. When apart we used to have a frequent communication, sms and talking on skype every evening. And we never got tired of our talks.
The problems started a month and something ago. I returned from Russia, and I couldnt recognize him. Earlier he would repeat how he misses me, and now he just dedicated himself completely to his interests, hobbies, internet, going here and there like a teenager and drinking with friends. Actually he makes friends extremely easily and now even more, and everywhere - in transport, on discussions on internet about politics or extremal sports etc. But this all is now between us, he is less and less writing and calling. for example he can explain to me that he's busy with work and can't chat with me, but i see he's chatting with others in these discussion groups. I usually get very angry and start to quarel, and he's always so calm, first wonders and then admits that he really did it wrong and repeats that he loves me so, so much. But the very next day he does the same. I don't understand how he can want then to spend all his life with me? Sometimes i think he wants to have me loving him like a china figurine on his table, while he's busy with his adventurous interests.
Right now he's here in my country, but already 5 days in southern province, being so enchanted by landscape, war ruins, and new friends -local citizens and peasants, that I suspect he really didn't come because of me.
And he of course doesn't call, if he does (rarely)than every time.sais 'hi dear, how are you...oh sorry i can't talk now, i'll call you later'...I don't understand here a thing.
The opposite thing is when I'm going out with my friends - then he's jealous and curious and calling all the time.
I really don't understand a thing here. But i'm suffering very much, sometimes so nervous that I can't sleep or split my bad feelings on other people. What can you tell me? Thanks very much! Lana
Answer Hi Lana
This is a very big problem. To be completely honest it sounds like you guys are losing that connection and it is possible that he may be losing interest in you. If he was really serious about you and this relationship then he would make more of an effort to talk to you. If he has enough time to devote to talking to others, then he should know that sometimes he needs to take some time out and spend that talking to you instead.
I feel like he's just keeping you in the background and basically holding on to you but not really thinking about you, or how you feel. That's all I can really say about this. It just seems like he either doesn't care as much as he used to and is just putting you in the background, or maybe he's completely oblivious to how much this is affecting you.
I think you need to start being straight forward with him and tell him that if he wants this to work then you guys need to rekindle the relationship and start making more of an effort to talk to you. He doesn't need to give up his friendships but balance the time between you and his friendships. If this doesn't change then it may continually get worse, and also this is good for you guys to seriously discuss since if this is something where he may have lost interest in you then you both need to discuss this rather than you waiting around for him to one day end it. Basically you both need to be on the same page but there is a definite issue going on here that shouldn't continue to be ignored. Anyway good luck with this and I hope things work out well!
