AboutMichelle & Frank Expertise Michelle and Frank have been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years. For additional resources and advice on long distance relationships visit their website:
Recommended for long distance couples that have run out of things to talk about on the phone (very common problem). This has done wonders for our relationship:
Experience Michelle and Frank have been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years. Their relationship has not been easy and has been one roller coaster of a journey. Together, they have experienced a lot and with their experience, they offer their advice to you.
Question Ok. So I should start with some background information. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years and long distance for 7 months. We are very committed to each other. I look after his house in our hometown and even have an interview soon to move to where he is living now.
From the beginning of the long distance it was clear that I struggle more with the distance then he does. There are very clear reasons to why this is, I have never moved away from my friends or family, and he lives in Canada however he is from another country and see's his family 1-2 times per year so he is more used to distance.
The problem is that I am afraid I am becomming too needy and it is going to ruin things. I visit him once a month usually for 5-7 days and we always have an amazing time. I just got home 6 days ago. The problem is that as soon as I get home I immediatley want to talk to him and call him all the time. Its like I get used to spending all my time with him so now I want to do it still only on the phone.
After our second last visit everything was normal when I left. He would text me how he missed me and wished I was there. But after this visit its not as much. Before I left he said he would miss me and didnt want me to go, and before I was even through security at the airport he was msging me and calling me, but now that I am home I dont feel it. I know this is probably because I call him 7-8 times a day and am constantly texting/emailing him so he doesnt feel the need to msg me as I am taking care of it, but I wish he would do the msging.
He is very confident and secure with himself and I know for him he doesnt need constant affirmation of my affection and love for him. However I am the opposite and need a lot of reaffirmation. I think I am becomming annoying to him with all the texts/emails and he is upsetting me with the lack of them.
I dont know how to approach this with him. He has acknowledged that he isnt as romantic as he wants to be and wants to change, but I dont know how to tell him what I want. In the same respect, I dont know how to be ok with not always sending him msgs. Even if he doesnt answer just telling him I love him makes me feel better. But I dont want to be overwhelming either.
I don't want to bring this up and possibly have an argument because he did something huge for me yesterday. He turned down a free trip to Jamiaca with his company because I already had booked flights to go visit him during that time and he knew that cancelling my trip would stress me out. I know that he loves me because he is willing to do things like that, and if I call him he answers and wants to make sure everything is ok.
Should I just back off and let him have space and leave it to him to call/msg me? Or should I tell him I want the communication to be more equal. I know talking about it will annoy him and after he just gave up such a huge trip thats the last thing I want to do.
I'm really not sure where to go from here.
Answer If I were you, I would back off or else you are going to push him away. The way things are now, he is going to resent you - eg. missing out on a free trip to Jamaica because of you obviously doesn't put you on his good side.
So just relax. You don't want him to end up thinking that canceling his trip was wrong to do and not worth it.
You definitely need to talk to him at some point so you can feel less needy. Figure out what he wants in the relationship and tell him what you want (eg. how many times is okay to call/text per day? How long should you talk? etc...) Make compromises. Make it positive.
Just let things slide for now. He did something huge for you. Reduce the number of times you call per day/emails/texts to a minimum until you get to see him again and can talk in person.
Meanwhile go out and do something so you are not tied to your phone/computer and stuck thinking about him. You need to find your independence.
