AboutAzure Expertise expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
Question Hello, I am currently in a dilemma. There is this girl I really like, a lot, and she is away going to a college somewhere a few hours out. I do not have a car nor a license so I can not see her whenever I would like too. I have been wanting something to happen between us, like becoming official, but she wanted to wait, I guess, until she came back up to see me. But when she came up I ignored her for the whole three days she was back in town. I do not feel as if she wants to be with me but I also just could not, and still not, deal with not being able to see her so I was trying to get over her. I am so afraid that if she becomes my girlfriend she is going to leave me and find someone else and I can not even imagne how heart broken I will be if that occurs. I got numerous text and phone calls from her and on her last day I decided to tell her what was going on. I told her everything, how I am scared, and she insisted nothing like that is ever going to happen. That I am the only person she wants to be with, she is the only person I want to be with too, but I just can not seem to believe her when she says these things it just all sounds to good to me. I know how I feel about her I would never leave her, never, but I can not see her doing the same or feeling the same way about me. I told her how I did not want to talk anymore that this was the last time we were going to talk and she did not like that idea at all. Later in the phone call when I was ready to end it she said that she loved me. I love her soo much it is crazy I would do anything for this girl. I do not want to be the reason why she is upset I want to be the reason why she smiles. I have always felt this way for a while now but I was never quite so sure how she felt. I feel as if all of this is not fair, I found everything I could ever want or need in someone and now I do not even get to see them. She was my first kiss and I have never had a girlfriend before, she has not been in a relationship either, I want her and only her to be my first. I just do not know if I should give all this a try because it is really what I do not want. I want to be able to see her, hold her, kiss her and just look her in the eyes. I also feel as if she is just going to find someone else sooner or later. I do not know if what I can offer her is what she will want as I get so sad and quiet on the phone because I really want to be with her so bad. We started talking again today and already I feel like this is not worth it. What should I do?
Answer michael, you've become the "first love" fanatic...you're right, college many times changes everything, and she could easily meet someone; but in life, change is not avoidable; you can't capture a moment and put it in your pocket for all time; people are like butterflies, to be appreciated when they come into your life, but realizing that they can fly away any second; no guarantees, and nothing is permanent; that doesn't mean we hide from the feelings that are in the here and NOW...so, lower expectations, but stop hiding--make the most of these moments with her, hope for the best, but understand that no matter what happens you'll be okay....
