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Question QUESTION: I writing today seeking out advice for not only the hurt that I have inflected on my wife by cheating , but also asking for help to possibly savage what may soon fade-away; our marriage.
I will be straight forward about my actions and our circumstance, so that I may receive the best advice possible to help me in the current situation that I have created.
We have been married for nearly two years in a LDR, and throughout these two years I have been unfaithful and many different ways. I have attended strip clubs, watch porn, flirting, and have had more than a few sexual partners with people I barely even knew. I am deeply concerned about my actions, and would like to first rebuild myself so that my future may be bright, long lived, and hopefully happy with my wife if that is not too late.
In the process of my infidelity, I just recently gave my wife a STD, and although it is easily treatable; the pain accompanied by my action is not so easily cured. She has broken down, stop-working, and is threatening to divorce me. Do I deserve it, and so much more? Yes, but I do love her, and it is eating away at me that I could hurt someone so dear to my heart this way repeatedly.
Being “caught up” as some might put it is shameful, but more so it is a slap in the face to the other person that has been faithful and caring for however long, which in my case has been quite some time. I have never brought a STD home before, but to look your wife or spouse in the face and say “I’ve cheated” is no easy task. Truthfully speaking, my action had already spoken that for me though, and my words were just a confirmation to her that I am not trust worthy of her love and affection.
Even after getting caused out, screamed at and everything else; she was still concerned for my health and wellbeing. I have never loved anyone but her, and I want to change my life around. I would like to seek counseling, or attend so type of anonymous group meeting, but cannot afford too.
Most importantly, I do not want to hurt her again. My actions have showed that I am capable of doing this, and with sincerity I am writing this. To the eyes, and ears that receive this, please be open, honest and just as sincere please. Thank you.
P.S. If there is anything that I can do to rekindle our flame while trying to maintain a LDR please include websites, suggestions, or anything of references that can be put to use. She also wants me to go into details about what has taking place, but I am not sure if I should, what do you think?
ANSWER: LDR?..why aren't you together?
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QUESTION: We are not together because she lives in Canada ,and I in the US. The immigration process is lengthy and costly as well. I hope this helps with understanding my present situation. Thank you.
ANSWER: so if you hardly see each other, what's the basis of the marriage?
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QUESTION: Honestly, I am not sure what foundation is still left between us because I have hurt and jeopardized everything that a marriage is suppose to stand on. I just want to reevaluate myself and our marriage, and hopefully the answer is not too hard to accept. Ultimately the decision to leave or stay is hers, and as simple as that my sound; I know it is not. I am left with some options though, or at least I feel that way. I can make a slow but drastic change for the better by learning from past mistakes, and second I can acknowledge the fact that this is something that I want to do to become better to myself and to become a better husband. I guess what I am trying to say is that the basis for our marriage was us wanting to live together with one another as a family in the same country. Would this have happen if we were together, maybe, but the fact remains that this has happen while we were apart. I still love her, and I am not sure if the best way to love her is to let her go even though she might make that decision for me.
Answer living in different parts of the world is no way to conduct a marriage; the cheating, etc is obviously an outgrowth of this; if there is no CONCRETE plan to be together in the next 6 months, i'd say you'd both be far happier divorced, where you'd both be free to meet/date people you can actually DO THINGS with..
