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Question Once I had a long distance relationship with this guy A. I left the country for study, and then we agreed to take things lightly thus not burdening each other's mind with the distance obstacles. It seemed best not to put so much effort on our relationship since it would hurt so much if one cheats on the other. We survived the first one and a half year but then it gradually became harder.
After some time, the small and petty fight between us over the net was starting to get intense. he considered me as a needy person. I expected more from him to reach or contact me frequently. he said his work was his excuse. he reasoned that with faith and commitment the relationship could work out somehow, despite the quality of our communication. he said, it all depends to the person, if he/she is patient and faithful enough, he/she should be okay whatever comes.
That led to another problem. I could not stand being unvalidated, unneeded, uncared. I let myself became weak and opened my arms to welcome a new friendship with this new guy B.
Few things happened between me and B, and I felt the guilty charge was on me. So finally, i broke up with A, casually saying the reason was only for taking a break from each other, although from my side i have this new feeling budding up to grow.
Several weeks later, A and I had this chat and he asked me if I have moved on. I told him about B matter-of-factly as i knew i couldn't keep it from him any longer without feeling even more guilty. Immediately he was upset, knowing I got over him so fast, albeit he still has such a deep feeling for me.
Nonetheless, after it happened everything seemed so much clearer. I realized that I still love A so much. Hence, I broke up contact with B in order to restart everything with a new beginning, by myself.
Three months later A called, he confessed that he always thought about me and still expected me to come back on holiday. And so i came home, with hope and faith for us to rekindle our sparks and strengthen our bond.
It was spent for nearly 2 months with us together almost all of the time. We never spoke about status, commitment and future plan as if we didnt want to ruin the treasured time. We enjoyed being close to each other so much until the time came to say good bye again.
Unfortunately, on that final day, I found out the facts that A dated several girls before I came home for holiday. By chance and curiousity I managed to use his computer and saw through folders, which revealed that he kept these chats and pictures of girls he dated. I was really hurt.
I confronted him. We made a bad farewell. However, after I left again we started to make a decent conversation via chat and talked about our relationship. He explained that he was never serious with those girls. He did it to forget me soon after knowing I was with B.
After we said apology to each other, I asked him to promote this 'casual but close' friendship (as we named it) to a true relationship like first we had. But he refused to have any commitment while we have this thousand miles-distance. He said he had less trust in me. So yes, i was rejected.
And now, i feel unbelonged once more but with much stronger feeling towards A. Its only one year left until i return home for good, thats why I am very confident that we actually can make it together. I don't want either of us to get hurt again, so i think we need this commitment.
I do admit that I too doubt him, I try not to see his reason as an excuse to stay single and date girls. This facebook thing gets me crazy since he often put his photos amongst girls and receives comments from various female strangers. Jealousy might be my main motivation to make our relationship official.
Well, now what should i do? should i keep pressing him to take this seriously? Or should I leave it as it was, like he wants it, keep contact and share affection as if we are something more but in reality we're not a couple? Or should I pretend to be cool, try not to contact him as frequent, and get busy with my activities?
So please help me, what should i do? Thank you very much!
Answer c'mon, the guy is like a kid in the candy store--you're a thousand miles away...there's no way he's being "faithful"--lower expectations, communicate less, reocus on YOUR life, meeting/dating those NEARBY, see what happens with this, if anything, down he road..
