AboutNorthstar Expertise I can answer question about how to stay close to your significant other, despite the distance. I am currently in a long distance relationship, so I've experienced many problems first hand. Whether a person is having a hard time saying good-bye after a visit, dealing with time differences, bothersome siblings, or an overwhelming schedule; I have tips and ideas that will help people work through their problems and keep a level head. I understand that being in a LDR comes with a whole host of unique problems and situations that don't occur in relationships where both parties have easy access to each other. I also understand how easy it is to start playing mind games with yourself, and worrying over the past, present and future. I can answer questions about how to resolve conflict/trust issues, how to stay connected, and keep the spark burning.
Experience I am in a long distance relationship, so I know first hand how difficult and frustrating this arrangement can be. My advice will be two-fold, on the one hand I will be able to provide my insight, and on the other hand, my significant other will be able to provide his point of as well. This means I will better be able to see ANY situation from both a male and female perspective.
Education/Credentials I recently graduated from college with a BA in History
Question Hi i need a help i love a girl from 2 year we are very far from each other we meet before 2 year after we both fall in love we use to give lots of miss cal each other we use to talk daily after we decide to marry i told my family about her and her family also accept me.but from 2,3 months she didt talk me well.whenever i ask her then she use to give me excus that i am busy in my home work.but before 1 month she told me that i think i cant marry with you because i want to marry only in my city.i dont want to go any other city.then i ask this question 1 expert he told me that dont pressure her for marry otherwise she will go more away from you.then i ask that girl ok you dont want to marry in other city but do u love me then she replied yes.i ask her lots of time that if any other boy have in your life then tel me il go from your life then she replied no but i dont want marry other city.then our relation will going normely but before 10 days she told me that i meet a boy before 4 months and i be his friend and i use to talk that boy daily.and that boy praposed me for marry and i am thinking to marry with him.i told her that when u meet a boy before 4 months then why that time u didt told me she replied that we was just friend.i realy need her in my life.i told her ok now you are just thinking to marry with that boy then dont think nw u just tell him that i need some time around 5,6 months til that time u just be with me because i love you 2 much and cant see you with any other boy.she replied ok. I told her till 5,6 months u can stop talk with him.then she replied may be i cant because i use to chat with him contnue.then i told her ok u talk her but just like friend dont make affair with him now she told ok.she ask me that why you want 5,6 months then i told her that now i love you madly and cant leave without you till 5,6 months i try to move on with my life and now i am leaving alone far from my family after 5,6 months i will come back home then may be i will change.i dont know what i do i madly love with her and cant bear that she talk with other boy.i use to think that may be she will make affair with that boy and dont tel me.pls tel me what i do.should i leave talk to her then may be she fel same love for me and come back to me or may be she wil go with that boy.or should i continue talk with her then may be her love will come back.from when she told me about that boy i didt sleep well even i didt taken fud also.all night i use to think about her.sometime very wröng things come in my mind.pls reply me fast.otherwise i will b mad.i cant leave without her each singel day.otherwise give me idea that how i use to hate with her or forget her because i cant bear this pain it relly hurts or if u have any mind game then pls tel me that i use to bring her back.why before she given me love like that my friends told me that u have to see any other girl and make affair then u wil forget her but its not possible because which company i am working here not possible to make affair in same city.pls reply thx
Answer Hello Raj, the first thing I want you to do is take a deep breath. You are very excited and upset over this, and I understand why. That said, you need to get a hold of yourself and relax a bit or you are going to drive both you and this girl insane. If you have to go for a long walk, take a nice hot shower, or read a book. I want you to find a way to distract yourself and not think about this whole thing for at least 24 hours. It will help you calm down, and it will clear your head.
All right. Secondly, I won't tell you how to 'get back' at this woman, nor will I give you advice on how to play mind games with her. Such behavior is cruel, immature, and does not do any good. I will however tell you some of my insights, and give you some suggestions.
You have to realize that you have only known this woman two years, and that you are both located "very far away" from each other. Long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain. Especially when both people are not as equally dedicated to the relationship. How many times have you met this woman? How long were each of your visits?
The truth is, you cannot force this woman back into your life. And you cannot prevent her from making new friends, and taking an interest in other people. You both have the right to make new friends, whether they be male or female. I think that this woman is very confused about what she wants, although I hope she is not considering marrying this other gentleman after knowing him for only four months. Similarly, I hope that the two of you don't consider getting married until you have spent more time together.
You sound very desperate and you seem to be looking for a way that you can control this woman's life. This is not healthy behavior. You need to focus on your own life, and get control of yourself. I think you should stop communicating with this woman completely. Do not call, email, IM, or text her. This will help you concentrate on getting yourself back in working order. It will also give you a better idea of where she's at. If it takes her over a week to get back in touch with you, then that's OK. You are both busy. If, however, she doesn't contact you for two or three weeks; then you will know that the two of you are on different levels. You are ready for marriage, and you want a woman who will dedicate themselves to you totally and completely. She, on the other hand, seems to want the freedom to date around, and that is her right.
I understand that you are in a great deal of pain, so it may be better for you to simply discontinue talking to this woman all together. Don't make her feel guilty, just say that you realize that you and she are in different places geographically as well as emotionally. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you need to concentrate on your life. Build your self esteem, travel if you can, and enjoy being single. You have to be happy with yourself before you can help make someone else happy. You also need to get a grip on your jealousy before it grows and festers into something truly hideous and destructive. Long distance relationships are very hard to maintain, and the chances of success decrease greatly when one or both parties are prone to being jealous.
I wish you all the best, and if you have any other questions I will be glad to help you as best I can.
