Expert: Azure - 9/11/2009

Question
I ‘m 27 years old,was divorced 2 years ago and have 2 sons , since that moment I hadn't been dating. Last Chirstmas, i travelled to Australia with a group without my sons, while i was checking in at the Immagration, one man saw me and talked to me. You know, it seemed the love at first sign to him. But i wasn't impressed him too much. We talked so fast beacause the time was short, he asked me where i'm from, what i came to Australia for and my phone number. At that time i didnt have any number so he gave me his and aksed me to call him. He is from New Zealand and came to Aus to vist his friends on Christmas. After that, I and my group kept going on the journey. I got the simcard to call my sons. That night, we checked in the hotel and i slept with the tourguide, she and i chatted about our status , she was happy for me since that NewZealand man liked me so she forced me call him although i hesitated bcoz you know, in my country, we seldom call man frist ,more over devoircing is a reason in my country. I wonderd whether i should call him or not and the tourguide still forced me so i called him. When i called him, he was so happy and asked to see me at that night.
We went out together, he would like to introduce me to his friends but i'm shy so just he and I went out together there. We had great time, the way he treated me seemed we know each other for long time, very close.We hanged out, he took me to anywhere i liked. He pampered me, was funny, was intelligent, mature..So i liked him. He asked permision for kissing me and due to watching Western movies, I thought that is normal in Western, then i was allowed him although we never kiss at first date like that in Vietnam. I told him i was divorced, have 2 kids , he told me he loved kids. I could feel his eyes that were many sentiments for me . We were the happiest couple . Everything happened so wonderful that i couldn't believe it happened to me..He told me about his career that he always came and back Austrlia, New Zealand, was helping his close friend dealing with some business, his friend ‘s bussiness was about brankup, told me about his mother, his hometown.. Actually, my speaking and listening English at that time wasn’t not well and now it is better but I can feel the happiness that he gave to me at that moment. When we were on the way to take me back the hotel, he got passion, wanted to stay with me at that night , I couldn't agree bcoz i haven't ever had sex at first , addition the tourguide and i stayed in that room. i told him about those reason and he expessed his unsatisfaction. I felt strange as how came he wasn't satisfied so i just remembered Western movies again and thought maybe sex at frist is normal also, so i said 'yes".
He was gonna take me back to his friends ' s house but later he decided to stay at hotel. i'm ashamed to tell you about this but the way he made love scared me . He didnt care my feeling, just wanted me to make him feel. But after sex he pampered me , he said he loved me, i was his girl , wanted me visit his hometown...general, it seemed he loved me. Is it commit? I heard about commit that u told in your book and program but I don’t understand it. As i told you i'm from Orient , that is why i don't know about Western too much. I was confused, didnt know whether he is good or not.
After that night, he still called me and asked me out but I was tried for our journey, I couldn’t see him. The last day I were in Melbourn to move to Sidney, we saw each other ,went out again, he introduced me to his friends. They are a couple, very kind, polite and friendly. The girl is his close friend, they know each other for 12 years. He weren’t shy to show how much he loved me to them. He took many our pictures for memories. After his friends had left, he liked to hang out and stay with me at that night again and liked seeing me off at the airport, I told him there was my tourguide in room, he aksed me whether I and the tourguide have sex since we sleep in 1 room. I said it was normal in our country, we women can sleep together if we close together not only for lesbian. Then, he said it was fine because she would have been sleeping already when we came back and he would left before she had waked up . I felt strange again as how could we have sex in front of other. I asked him if he had had sex with many girls at the same time, he answered me “yes, when I had been young” and aksed me whether I was angry with that, and you know I didn’t know why but I said “no” although I felt verry sad. I didn’t wanna get him down. When we came back my room after hanging out, unfortunally, my tourguide didn’t sleep yet , she was chatting to a woman in our group that she invited her to sleep with her in our room as the tourguide thought I wouldn’t have come back room that night since I went with him. When he saw they still stayed up, he was mad, he didnt talk to them friendly even though they were kind to him. I was dissapointed of that.

I thought about the way his behaviour, 2 times, the last time and this time when he couldn’t get what he want. Is his behaviour fine, ? However, I didn’t want let him down though, not because I liked sex with him, just I didn’t want to get him down , more over it was too late so I told him we could stay at the other room but he said he left his wallet at home , we couldn’t rent the room. It was too late , I knew he was verry tired so I told him I would pay the room and we took a room to sleep. And the way he make love made me scared again. In the morning, we slept over, I was almost late the flight, the group left earlier, I had to be leave fast to come back my room for taking my luggage, he tried to catch me to asked me for my detail to keep in touch , he helped me, took me to the airport as I ‘m alone there. He helped me with all his heart and asked me to keep in touch , call him when I had been Sydney. But I hadn’t called him as I felt something wrong, then he sent me text , said that he hoped me not upset him, asked me whether I had enough money after paying for hotel..let him know,he would send me money. I told him everything is fine , I didn’t mind about money, just I didn’t think he were serious for our relationship, he said he were serious, he wished we would have celebrated the Chirtmas not only this year but also many years later as he was impressed me as a women…The way he told me made me happy , we still sent text, called together until the last day I were in Sydney. And the day I came back my country, at the airport in Sydney,he called me , asked me keep in touch again. I promised when I was home, I would call him, I did then. So he sent me email and set a day to chat on Skype to see each other . We both hadn’t ever used Skype so we downloaded it, I put our picture that he took on Skype. He was verry happy and liked it. We had chatting on Skype twice a week, you know the time – ozone is difrrent, so everytime he stay up late to call me , I almost moved my tears, I repested that moment but I didn’t show him my feeling. Many times I saw him had to work with some documents while chatting to me.
However, I haven’t ever seen he chatting to me at home, only at net cafe . I had felt strange and I asked him why, he told me he had left his laptop in his friends ‘ house in Melbourne, he would have taken it soon to chat to me soon. He said, he would have come to see me in Vietnam and he told me how much he loved me, was impressed me , the way we had seen each other at the airport and about sex. He enjoyed talking about dirty talk too much , I wonder it was normal in Western and I joined with him even I couldn’t talk about it as well as him. Once time, I aksed him about his age, he didn’t answer me, just said “no matter how old I am,what my job is, i still wanna fuck you 5 times a day when I were in Vietnam” .is the way he talked normal in Western? We have still kept chatting on Skype. He also told me about his ex-girlfriend when I asked him about his dating , she ‘s China, lives in Europe and they had been daitting for 7 years, just broken up 2 years ago as he told me that she wasn’t honestly. And he said he needed his girl had to be honestly. Sometimes, when he chatted to me, he aksed me looked straight at his eyes. One time, I hadn’t heard from him for 1 week, I didn’t know what happpen, felt mad and deleted our picture on Skype. One night, I suddenly received his email , the day before Valentine day, he told me how busy he was for work and asked me why I changed our picture. I was angry at that time so I replied him that I was not satifised when he dissapeared, no email, if he hadn’t been interested me anymore just tell me straightwords and we would have become friends..i replied angryly. Then, he replied me that he had been verry busy and exhausted, he loved me, how could I said that..maybe I needed kisses from another one not him on Valentine’s day.. He was angry with my email too. I thought there was probaly misunderstood between us so i replied him that I just loved him, needed kisses from him not another one and aksed him plz just sent me email to let me know his situation if he couldn’t chat to me on Skype for longtime like that and he agreed. He asked me wait for his call on Skype for Valentine day I was watting for his call but unfortunately as soon as I went off my laptop to do something for my sons, he called, only 1 time and left right away as I wasn’t there. I was surprised becoz as usual, he always called me back if I wasn’t there. I got jealous as I thought he maybe had a date on Valentine day, I felt so sad and the day after , he called me again , asked me where I were when he called me the day before, I told him I just went off my laptop a few minute, saw his missed call and waitted for his back call but he didn’t call back, I didn’t ask him why but he explained to me something that I can’t remember now to tell you. After that, he did what I asked him that he should send me email whenever he couldn’t chat to me on Skype.. Since that day, I haven’t put our picture anymore, just mine, I don’t know why I did like that. And every 1 week,we chatted 1 time, not 2 or 3 times as before but he sent me email to let me know about his work, how he was busy or he couldn’t stay uplate to talk on Skype..And once night, after I did something stuff at home , I logged in on skype, saw him online there but not called me, I got jealous and mad, I sent him email to said to him. He was verry angry , he replied to me and said he was online to call me but I was not there and he talked to one guy at the net cafe, not chat to anyone on Skype, there was only 2 contacts on his list : I and his close friend that I met in Melbourn. He seemed very angry becoz I was absurd , why I didn’t call him back when I saw him but doubted him. I seldom called him frist or sent him email frist bcoz I read some book, it said that woman shouldn’t do it first , let man do it if he want, then did I do right thing? Anyway, I didn’t tell him that reason. I just told him I thought he was busy for someone and I didn’t wanna disturb him, he said calling from me never disturbed him .I realized that I made mistake and I made my excuse, and he wasn’t angry anymore, just said that he understand how came I get mad and the day after, he called me on Skype to chat and he talked sex to me , as usual, talk about how our days was going and sex. Everything was fine . But he didn’t send me email frequently when he couldn’t talk to me on Skype as before. I thought that maybe he was really busy so I should apperate to him, I didn’t ask him anymore, I just wait for him on Skype and talk 1/week when he had free time. Unfortunately, one day my mom saw him on Skype while we are chatting, she didn’t like the way he look bcoz he looks too old than me. And she rejected. I can’t explain to her, you knowin Orient Culture, parents can meddle their children ‘s life. So I was verry sad. 1 week later, he called me, we chatted and you know, my mood was full , I talked to him sadly, I asked him about our relationship, whether it worked, where would it go…something like that, he told me our relationship would definetely work, he loved me, just bcoz he was busy but as soon as he finished his work, he would come to see me soon, as you know ,he always said that he would come to see me .and I have been watting for his promisese. I also aksed how our relationship worked as we were far away, he answered me he would come to see me 2/ year and I come to see him 2/year, total 4 / year then. I was so happy. And the day after, he called me again. You know, everytime I was angry or I had moody to him, he always called for 2 or 3 days but when evrything was fine, he just called me for 1/week. What does it mean , ? Back to the converstation that we talked when he called me the day after, I told him the truth that my mom didn’t like him, he felt bad to his ego, he asked me my mom haven’t never seen him, how came she didn’t like him then. And he asked me our love was ours or my mom.. He said and asked me many thing to know if I was independend, I told him I could overcome becoz I loved him and I hoped he would help me with his love . He said he loved me. Then, I felt our relationship crossed next level and more close after this so I asked him whether I could send him text or call him thru his cell phone sometimes coz I wanted to know about his situation when he was so busy that I couldn’t hear from his side, more over, the time – zone is different, it was hard for him to call me on Skype then. He said it would be chat as I did like that, not free like talking on Skype but he would happy to hear my call or see my text. So I started to do that when I couldn’t hear from him for 1 week and he did the same when he couldn’t catch me on Skype . Did it seem that I was a leader, Christain? Did it seem that he didn’t know that way, just followed when I had new idea? So, everything went on well. Once day again, I saw him was online on Skype to talk to someone but didn’t call me. I got jealous but I didn’t asked him. A few day later, he called me, I didn’t pick up my phone, then he sent me text to ask me what happened. I replied him that I saw him on skype and aksed him whether he had someone else. He got angry again, replied me and told me that his clothes was stolen and he talked to his close friend in Mel to know whether he had enough clothes there.He did not have someone eles. He said this once is the second times I got jealous like this, why I didn’t join when I saw him on Skype. I have a hobby that I always set my id invisible, never available that why he couldn’t see me online. I knew he was angry and I misunderstood him so I apologized to him. He seemed to understand my feeling although still freted. Our relationship went on. As I know he had difficult problem in he and his friend’ s bussiness as the crisit economic so I told him let tell me whether I could help him, he was moved and fired by my solicitous care but he haven’t ever asked for my help yet. I could feel that he felt me and we acrossed next level but because I read your email and your books about relationship, also I read others books, it said that if a man doesn’t call you frequently, he said he was busy, he just said no action, he is not interested in you then, so I always felt something wrong in - sight me. I hesitaged, was thoughtful , didn’t know if our realationship work or not. So I was gotta forget him, 3weeks ago, I changed of number my cell – phone so that I couldn’t see his text or his call anymore, but still thought of him, so last week, I logged in on Skype to wait and see whether he was there sometime, suddenlly, one day he catched me on Skype, he was happy and worried also, aksed me why he couldn’t call to my cell and he has been sick for 2 weeks. I felt too bad as I did wong thing, I should’t do this , how can I leave him like this but I just told him that the network was wrong, I lied to him. I felt so bad,you know. As I was working when he called, it was not convinent so I told him , I would went out of my office and called him right back. He saw my new number and asked me , I didn’t know how to say so I avoided to answer. That night, he called him back on Skype and aksed me look at straight his eyes, I did and he asked me if he had problem, would I leave him alone? Becoz he couldn’t contact me but I also didn’t call him for 2 weeks. Then, I told him the true why I did like that , and I also said Vietnamese women seldom call men first when they don’t know where the relationship stand. He said it s conflict to Western, futhermore, we love together , I shouldn’t think like that. He said to me he was sorry as he couldn’t call me and I said tohim too. I knew I make mistake. I promised him if I couldn’t hear from him for a few days. Since that day, I kept to call him or sent him text to care of him. Everything had been fine for 1 weeks, talked about our days and sex too. One night I didn’t know why, I suddenly thought he didn’t love me as he said there was just lust and I thought there is no resutl for our relationship, I loved him more than him. I sent him text at midnight, told him what I thought and required him consider me as his good friend as he meant to me so much. He replied immidetely that there was no lust even we talked sex or one side love as I thought. I didn’t know what to say so I didn’ t replied him . The early morning, he sent me text again and said he didn’t expect that how could I say that since I seemed to be happy with our love recently, he was busy but thought I was loyal and when he looked up, he still saw my tender smilling. He asked me that I had someone else. I told him I did not have someone else, the problem was it seemed that only me was working for our love. That I thought if we had loved together, we would have needed to hear our voice, see our face, send lovely text everyday but he didn’t do like that. Then, after 3 hours, he caught me on Skype, he seemed to be busy with many document to finnish soon. He was sorry for me as I felt bad, as soon as he had finished his work, he would have come back to me, he loved me...I felt that I pressured him but he said he understand my feeling, general he understood women sensitive . I promised him I never did it again. He told me he had to come to Australia to handle to business with his friend and would call me, I said let me call him bcoz the fee is cheaper than Australia . He agreed. Though since that day, I didn’t call him, I wanted to know whether he missed me and would call me or not. Then, 3 days later, I saw his missed call , I called back but it was voice mail and I sent text, told him the reason why I didn’t call him as I said. He called me back and we talked as usual. So everyday I sent him text or call him..But sometimes i wanted to check his love so  i didn't connect him, swichted off my cell phone then after one or 2 weeks he would try to connect me and got mad, and then i connected him and we kept talking for a few days . It seem to be his schedule, calling  me every 2 weeks for a few days and stops , if i call him , he will be happy to get the phone or eles, he is disappeared untill 2 weeks later .    
This is my whole story, excuse me again for taking your time to read it. Now I don’t know what to do, should I keep our relationship or give up? I love him, he means to me, I don’t mind to do everything for him but does he care of me? Does he love me as he said, i read some books, it said that don’t notice what men say, just see what they do, then do you think he is Mr.Right for me? I ‘m really confused, one side I feel he loves me, one side I feel something wrong. Will our relationship work? Am i selfish and doing wrong thing as demanding to contact me? As you know, I’m Orient so I really need your advice. Please help me, tell me the right things that I should do and recived my warm thank to you for reading my long email .
Regard yours
Tracy  

Answer
sadly, you have allowed yourself to become utterly addicted to a fantasy, becoming emotionally hypotized by a guy who has shown NO true caring, and who no doubt sees 1 or more other women; you've wasted FAR too much time on SKYPE, and all other word based pseudo bullshit; REAL relationships are conducted IN PERSON, where you see, touch, observe, DO THINGS with a REAL person  who is right there; break this unhealthy spell, end all communication, refocus on YOUR life, meeting/dating those NEARBY..