Long Distance Relationships/Long distance relationship


I've been in long distance relationship on and off(but not really off, we always kept in touch and in a really good term) since June/July'09.Distance is almost 800 miles.We never lived in the same city.We've met thru some friends in '09 when I was on vacation where he lives now.No click,no spark that time,just a friendly conversation all that night.After that haven't really kept in touch for 2 years,until ran into each other last June in Vegas(totally random trip).That's when everything started!First,online chatting(4-5-6 hours almost every day)phone calls,txting etc..I was still very skeptical bc I've had long distance before that didn't work for me.So after 1.5month he convinced a very stubborn me to fly us over to see him with my son!When we were together everything was close to perfect,I kept telling myself I don't believe this or that,but he was proving otherwise.He fell inlove with my son like no other,as for me,I was treated like a queen and a best friend!So we flew back and forth every 2,3 weeks for 2 months.Then the season picked up and he got busier@work and it became harder to plan trip ahead or ng this time we started to have some issues,like why don't you call me even if he said he'll call and didn't..or why we don't chat online anymore..no big arguments,we always stayed respectful to each other,but still it felt like we going backwards instead of moving forward.I told him about how I feel about this issues and in 2 min conversation he pretty much fixed us!So another week or 2 everything seemed fine,then again..less communication.We both not a jealous people and always try to look beyond,but just that distance and not knowing what really goes on every day in each other lives..so in Oct I asked him for a break.He still was txting asking how I am and all.I was trying to keep it simple.After 2 weeks I couldn't do it and told him to call me.Again,in 2 min he fixed us!..We spend another month with on and off communication,trying to plan my trip.After 3 months we haven't seen each other I finally flew there!It felt just like the 1st time.Perfect again!When I got back home again first 2,3 weeks were fine..then we started to fell apart again.I took another trip a month ago and same thing happened.We can't communicate well when we apart,I can't forget how we were@the beginning and how we are now.I feel like all this year I was torturing myself,I haven't open my heart to anybody in a very long time until he came!Sometimes I get paranoid about how he is,what is he doing,who he with and he seems to be dealing with the same problem bc he was asking me about all that when I was there.It feels like we can't find that one page in a book that we can just share!However you turn the situation it still comes back to that Im not there and he's not here!.and we really can't move into the same city@the moment-it's very complicated.
My questions would be:
How can I make myself feel better@least for now?We are not a couple right now,but we both know how we feel about each other and keeping things very friendly..If I'll wait I may lose him,but I can't do anything right now either..We already growing apart..
I can't focus on things here,sometimes Im angry,sometimes I'm very depressed for days,I've cried my eyes out long time ago,I keep pushing myself to do things here,but it seems like it's getting worse,some days I'm up high and very motivated,some days I just don't know what to do with myself.I've tried to cut the communication,but couldn't be this harsh and not respond to him when he was asking something.Lately,a lot of bad things been going on with me,I get in trouble,that nobody would think I would..I surprise myself really!I know time heals,but I don't want to go thru all this again.I just want to be with him,I want him to swipe me off my feet like before,I want him to come from work and see me and my son there waiting for him like we both dreamed about,I want to talk to him and listen,I want us just sit there in silence next to each other..I have lots of good friends,hobbies and my son motivates me,when he's with me I sometimes don't have time to think too much,when he's not and I start thinking about him I end up crying or being angry.I don't want any bad things to happen anymore!I need to break this circle..What to do?Please help with any advice.


Hello Katrina,

Apologies afront for delay in reverting back to you. I appreciate your gesture of dropping a word and sharing your heart felt feelings and it takes a toll on a person while penning down. But really shows, your strong desire to make things work. Would surely step in your shoes and feel the pain you must be going through and share my experience about the same.

Well, I would be quite straight forward in my approach and making you realize few things, which you already know but have been ignoring them over a while. You come across as a very strong headed lady and who is also mature to handle things, but have been just swaying and getting diverted with strong and soothing wordings. First things first:

1) You didn't share that you single mother. Well, I won't get into details of your past relationship, but would like to remind you that, all the while before you bumped into this person, were you really needing someone, were you desperate to have someone?
2) You were living a contended life and all things fine, had made adjustments in life, so why today you becoming weak in knees and not taking things in good stride?
3) Have you sat back with him and had heart to heart talks whenever you have met?
4) Do you realize that you have made the guy feel that you really need support and shoulder, you also crave to have someone, and you going mad/crazy about him and he is now taking you for granted
5) Do you realize that whenever you have fights you crib, he uses the emotional stuff, sentiments and pacify you quickly, why? Proving you that you emotionally weak and all under him and he can play with wordings and win over you again and you would submit to him.
6) I find that it's always you have been travelling to his place, has he ever made trips across? Whenever you all together, does she spend on you or takes lead in financial expenses or is it done mostly by you? My very essence of asking this is to make sure he is not assuming that, you need a company, so he is just impressing you by caring for your child and then using sexually and making sure you keep him happy?

Well I have been blunt with my wordings above, because you really need a push in life to see things clearly and its required that you sit down and focus on your priorities. True you need a partner for yourself and also at same time, someone who can take care of your kid. But do you really want someone to take you for granted and use you in pretext of keeping your baby happy? It's high time and reality check time, that you had for yourself. Whatever, I said you already know yourself, so why you ignoring all the while? Time to stand up and made things very clear on the face and talked about it. You can't just let yourself be at mercy of someone and be on-ff.

All the best !!

Relationship Counsellor
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Long Distance Relationships

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I am quite experienced and matured enough to handle questions related to following topics: 1) Love- Friendship 2) Issues in all kinds of relationships. 3) making a relationship work. 4) Effective tips to sustain a relationship. 5) Sex related queries. Well as of now haven't come across any such questions, which would offend me or I lack expertise in, but am a straight forward person and doesn't hold my wordings back. I don't mind being honest in case I lack knowledge about particular aspect and quite flexible to accept genuine views of others or seek other professionals for my case studies, to help the clients out.


Well I have been doing online counseling through my own blog for past two years. I have got good response throughout, which has motivated me in going ahead and helping people in their relationship issues and bring a smile back on people's face. I don't say that am a professional in this area, but well sufficient enough to contribute in the aspect of Modern Day Relationships.

I have been an IT professional throughout my work experience of 8+ years associated with IT MNC's like IBM, Infosys Technologies to name few. I have conducted effective counseling sessions for different corporates I have worked with in my private capacity and contributed effectively to employees striking quite a balance in work and personal life.

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