You are here:

Long Distance Relationships/Long Distance Relationships and Cheating


I have been in a long distance relationship for quite some time- we are going on two years now. Currently, we are talking about marriage and I couldn't be happier, but I seem to have a bit of an issue that I'd like to address before proceeding towards marriage.
My boyfriend is absolutely wonderful- I love him wholeheartedly, and we are extremely happy together. I have every intention of always being loyal to him. We have had a few "instances," though, that have been extremely rough to deal with. I have always grown up having a lot of guy friends, and obviously, we flirt from time to time- it was just natural in the friendship. I have had to cut almost all of my male friends out of the picture because there have been two instances of infidelity, and I feel like I am to blame... I basically just stupidly put myself into a bad situation, we wound up being alone when we shouldn't have, and my guy friend just went for it (this happened twice). Both times, I told my boyfriend where I was, who I was with, what we'd be doing- and I came home both times absolutely broken hearted because I felt like I was completely to blame for what had happened.

I did not intend for something like that to happen in either instance, but when I am stuck in the moment I find it is very hard to pull myself away from the attention that is in front of me.

My boyfriend and I have discussed both instances, worked things out, sought help, etc... but I still have a tendency towards that. The distance definitely doesn't help- I feel as though I'm just addicted to attention. It is an awful feeling, but I can't seem to overcome it. When I was single, it was an issue, and now that I am extremely happy in my relationship, it is a BIG issue. Are there any practical ways to "get rid" of this?

As long as there is major distance between us, there will always be men in and out of my life, simply because of work and just... living. I can't hide my eyes and refuse to speak to anyone! It really frustrates me though- I want a loyal heart, not just the intention to be loyal.

ANSWER: so how often do you see him? there a specific plan to live closer?

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: usually we see each other for a week to two weeks every 1.5 months. There is a plan to move closer in July, 2013.

there's no magic pill that will counteract your occasional interest in others, but you CAN choose faithfulness to overrule your impulsiveness just by using your willpower; as long as you abstain from actual sexual activity, playful interaction isn't a big deal---plus, july isn't that far away...

Long Distance Relationships

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


see above

©2017 All rights reserved.