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Long Distance Relationships/My Long Distance Relationship-ish Thing

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Hi there,

In December, I met someone online in a debate chatroom that I have come to frequent. I never saw his face, but I fell pretty quickly for his kind spirit, his creativity, his intellect, and his sense of humor. I felt so drawn to him, and him to me. We added each other on skype, and have spent the better part of pretty much every day together. I know what he looks like now obviously, but I thought it was pretty neat that I fell for him before ever seeing his face. I love his spirit.

We have reached a point now where we are 100% head over heels in love, or as much as two people can be without having met. We really want to meet, but neither of us can afford to travel until his house sells. It has been on the market for a while and we are starting to worry that it won't sell. Regardless, we have reached a crossroads in our relationship where it is really time that we talk about our future and whether or not it is something we want to pursue together. He loves me, and I love him, and he wants to be exclusive. Am I at a point where I am going to get hurt if I take this chance? I don't want this to end in brokenheartedness for either of us, but especially him. What do you think?

Answer
i think that you are caught up in a total emotional fantasy..."real" relationships require "in person" time where you can see, touch, do things together, observe how people act in different situations; all skype does is create a pseudo arrangement, quite emotionally addictive/unhealthy...exclusivity, under the circumstances, is ludicrous at best; my advice is to scale this way back until you can not only meet, but actually date on a regular basis, otherwise, you are headed for a rude awakening when this falls apart...what was harsh were those ratings...did you not ask, "what do you think"?..don't blame the messenger if you have an issue accepting the message; did you not read any of my answers to other questions?..no bs, just the honest truth, not sugarcoated; most appreciate that, if they don't, they can ask someone else; but i'm not surprised at your reaction...those in your situation will risk any pain rather than give up a dream....i explained to you the skype issue...it's value is totally limited, because the interaction doesn't easily translate into a positive in real life; until you observe someone in different situations, you no LITTLE about them; skype is like a talking photograph...even regular dating in "real" life takes months before you really know someone; you are already predisposed to bet all your emotions on a talking photo, so why you even bothered to write is puzzling....

Long Distance Relationships

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expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks

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