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Long Distance Relationships/Complications with long-distance relationship


Hi there.

I'm in a complicated situation with a girl who lives far away. She lives in Texas; I live in Florida.

Our history is long and boring, but mildly important, so I'll give you the short version: We went to high school together (graduated in 2006), and then lived together for a short period of time (this was platonic, although we both admitted to having feelings for one another after the fact). She moved to Texas with her family, and in 2009 called me to tell me that she was in love with me. We dated long-distance for a little less than a year, during which time I went to visit her in Texas two or three times. Our relationship ended in late 2009 because she had cheated on me. I was heartbroken, and took it very badly.

We've drifted in and out of touch over the last few years, during which time she began and ended a serious relationship with the guy she cheated with.

Earlier this year, we got back in touch, and the sparks once again began to fly - she said that she couldn't stop thinking about me, and although I was hesitant (thinking maybe she was just emotionally confused and wanted some consolation after her breakup), I agreed to come visit her. I spent a week in Texas in July, and we both had a fantastic time.

When I returned to Florida, I expected her to constantly be in touch, talking about how much she missed me and wanted me to move there (which was the 'unspoken' plan, assuming the trip went well). Instead, she seemed standoffish. I, on the other hand, found myself missing her and, strangely enough, developing intense feelings for her.

I confronted her a few days after the trip, and her response was that she was 'having trouble having feelings for me', blaming it on her last relationship which left her feeling 'emotionally dead'.

This threw me for a loop - I felt depressed and heartbroken and confused, almost as if we'd broken up all over again. I told her that it was for the best that we not speak for a while, at least until my pain subsided.

OKAY, FINALLY GETTING TO MY QUESTION - Sorry for the long drawn-out explanation!

We've sent a few emails and texts back and forth over the last few weeks, but I'm torn. I deeply care about her, and absolutely can't fathom just 'giving up' on her and moving on with my life, but at the same time, I have no desire to really talk to her; hearing about her life just makes me upset and nostalgic for the time we spent together last month, and the only things I can think to say are relationship-based, which I know she doesn't want to talk about.

How should I handle this situation?

hello..sorry for the delay...your only option is to back off, reducing communication to almost zero unless she initiates it; your only chance is for her to realize that you're getting on with your life just fine, and not know how you're pining away waiting for her; so if you're always available to communicate w/ her, don't be; focus on meeting/dating others; in this approach 2 good things might happen: 1. she'll realize what she lost, and 2. hopefully you'll meet someone NEARBY that will make you forget her; the worst thing you can do is to try and make her feel something she doesn't, because at this point whatever this was is essentially over...

Long Distance Relationships

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expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


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