You are here:

Long Distance Relationships/Moving away for university I COULD REALLY USE ADVICE PLEASE

Advertisement


Question
QUESTION: Me and my girlfriend are moving away from university in 4 months. We will be living reasonably close, 7 hours drive and 1 hour flight, and have been together 6 months and were friends for quite a while before that.

She thinks that it's better if we broke up now. However, there's still a chance of me and her working out. But, I think that we should stay together until the 4 months is up and see where we are then. We're already in a situation where she wants to break up but I know she doesn't want to and she just thinks it's the best option but from experience I know it's not. I would rather spend the time that we have together then see where we're going.

Do you guys think that we should go with the first option or the second? I obviously think the second but maybe I'm not thinking clearly.

More detail...
We are very close partly because we were friends before. Personally I think she's really scared about committing while being at university because she knows pre med is going to be hard. We are both christians.

Family wise we've met each others families but we aren't that close. We were working on getting to know each others parents as this problem came up.

We don't get to spend masses of amounts of time together we get to go out on a date around once a week. And we see each other in school everyday. We have the same circles of friends too.

ANSWER: i agree with your approach, but i'm not privy to her analysis; she may have other concerns/feelings that are contributing to her view that neither of us know exactly..in any case, if after stating your opinion she still wants to leave, let her; if she misses you, realizes she made a mistake, she will return--if not, she made the right decision for both of you...

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: So would trying to talk to her and convincing her otherwise be the wrong thing to do? I also found out that she felt that she wanted to spend more time with her friends. She's also very determined to do well or school and university being one of the smartest people I've met.

I told her that staying together could always still work and we didn't have to spend as much time together as she thought. Like we should have our separate lives away from our relationship but that doesn't mean we should break up instead we should work on it. I think that breaking up for those reasons is drastic.

Also I understand there may be other reasons as well but I don't think there are many important things apart from those I've stated.

Answer
"convincing"?...you can state your opinion if that's what you mean, but then you need to allow her to make her own decision...if you try too hard to hang on to this and she "relents", she could wind up resenting you forever; my feeling is she has more reasons than just the distance, even some she may not want to reveal; thus, as i said earlier, you need to be willing to let this go, and if she then realizes it's not what she wanted, she'll tell you..  

Long Distance Relationships

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Azure

Expertise

expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks

Experience

see above

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.