Long Distance Relationships/Long Distance Break


I've been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half now and about four months ago our relationship turned into a long distance relationship. She is in the air national guard (state version of the Air Force) and left in March for basic training (boot camp) and is now in tech school until anywhere from October-January. I visited her with her family when she graduated basic training in May and again, just me, for the Fourth of July. On the weekend of the fourth she stayed with me in a hotel. Of course we were intimate after not having been in so long. But she expressed concerns about the balance of our relationship on top of the stress she is under in tech school. She thinks I put more effort into the relationship than she does and she's not sure why that might be. She acknowledged that she tries to make everyone like her and this takes away from our relationship because she knows my approval should be enough. She asked for a break from the relationship for a while to try and figure out if this is what she really wants. I found security in her saying that the goal was to return to me improved rather than go out looking for a new partner. I am confident that she was being honest in saying this and I believe she is just scared that she's wasting her youth making the wrong decision. So for about a month I left her alone for the most part, only checking up on her on the weekends. She assures me that it's nothing I've done and that she just wants to find out what she really wants. She tells me that I am the best she'll ever have but she's not certain that I don't deserve someone better.
A couple of weekends ago I contacted her and convinced her to just talk to me about things other than our relationship (as I feel that the pressure of that adds more stress) so we did. But this persisted into the week days and a hand full of times she even started the conversation. We skyped over this last weekend and we talked about what things may be like when she returns. Overall she still seems uncertain of things, but seems to be warming up to the idea of being with me in a long distance capacy before she gets back. Might seems strange but we even sexted a bit as we both miss the intimate nature of our relationship and are still very mush in love and attracted to one another.
Yesterday I decided to ask if it was best for her if I left her alone during the week (as she has classes, physical training, and testing during the week). To this she said yes. I think this is what she wants anyway, just to talk on the weekends. She still maintains that she's not sure of things just yet, so I've agreed to give her some space still.
I've never really asked anyone for advice and I guess what I'm asking is what you think might be going through her mind, what the end result will be or what I can do to help.

obviously no one knows what the end result will be---this could be over in an instant or you could live together forever; she asked for time/space, so you have to accept/respect her wishes; during this time you can focus on YOUR life; however, there should be a limit as to how long she can put you on hold; at some point, she's either in, or out; figure out how long your willing to wait, then tell her; if she still continues solo, then you should be free to date others...

Long Distance Relationships

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


see above

©2017 About.com. All rights reserved.

[an error occurred while processing this directive]