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Long Distance Relationships/Conflicting feelings about dating

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Hi,

I am reaching out for some perspective about online dating. I have entertained a few sites in the pass, but I donít stay long. I would say two weeks is my average, and then I remove myself from circulation. I put it to rest for a long while afterwards. I get caught up with conflicting feelings because I feel the women I attempt to connect with are too consumed or overwhelmed with the amount of people contacting them. If I do connect with someone, itís either short-lived or becomes frustrating because they donít show genuine intent to want to get to know me.  I also find it creepy running into the same profiles day in and day out. I admit I have tapped into someoneís profile more than once before contacting them. If I donít hear from them within 2-3 days, I back off. But if they change their picture, and I run into them again not knowing that I have already sent them a message, but never heard back from them Ė now Iím the one being the creep. The whole cycle is exhausting. And then thereís the pictures one has to post to draw that initial interest. It sucks not having a million dollar smile, or fitting the bill such as satisfying their punch list: height, body style, heart sergeant.

On a better note, I have met people and have exchange contact information. I have also gone out on dates. I feel like my streak has been to just get out, though. My encounters have never turned into a dating experience, because the people that I mostly bond with mutually are far away. The connections eventually turn into pen pals until it evaporates.

The sites I have tried are free for the most part. I have done POF, OkCupid and most recently I paid for a month subscription to ParentMeet. I have an 11 year son, so I thought I would have a better shot meeting someone with that in common. The site was horrible. Anyway, itís been several months. I am thinking about Match now. Joining that site will lock me in for at least a monthís term. I am hoping for a better experience this time around, but then again Ė my head is going to get in the way. I am going to get wrapped up downplaying my efforts, or reading into their intentions. At this point, I feel like the language in my profile should be brief because it seems like no one really cares to read profiles. I donít know. I donít get out much because Iím passed the whole bar scene or feeling like Iím missing out on something.

So Iím 42 years old, but I look a lot younger. I have an 11 year son. And have been single for 3 years. I have dated, but I have not been committed to anyone for a long time. I want to be, thoughÖ Things are just different with dating nowadaysÖ Iím stuck in a rut.

Your thoughts?

Answer
there are many considerations when it comes to online dating...some quick insights:..1) sign up for multiple sites, POF, Cupid, Match, Zoosk, maybe EHarmony...2. get some really good pictures taken; 3. profile matters---show yourself to be smart/funny/creative/unique/romantic/generally interesting/confident; 4. realize you have to devote alot of time/energy to it--90% of guys are after 10% of the women...very competitive..5. if u connect with someone on an email, get to the phone quickly--real voice reveals so much more..6. focus on those NEARBY..if you need more, ask re dating coach services...

Long Distance Relationships

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expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks

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