AboutAzure Expertise expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
Question Hello and thank you in advance for your advice. I met my friend (I'll call him Tim age 43,I'm 37 ) online in August 2002. He lives in Florida and I live in Georgia. We e-mailed back and forth for a couple of months and lost touch for a couple of months during the holiday. I guess around Feb-March of 2003 we started communicating again and exchanged phone numbers. We always had a great conversation and would flirt periodically. Feelings were starting to develop between us. We finally met around May in my home state and he also has family that lives here. They all really liked me. Tim is divorced and has two teenage children (one in college). He's entrepreneur and was just starting a new company that requires traveling. He wanted me to become involved and his partner in business here in my home town. I work a 9-5, I considerated it and gave it a try but realized that it was not my calling but I was still more than willing to support him however I could and I even got some business for him. He was disappointed but understood (so he said). I felt it put a little strain on the relationship because he stated he felt like I would not be supportive of him, things eventually smoothed over. Here's the clincher whenever we would see each other it was always with somebody else around we have never spent any quality/intimate time together. Oct 2003 was the last time he was in GA, I went to FL June of 2003 with a girlfriend. When I questioned him about that he stated that he really cared about me a lot and that he was trying to grow and stay focused on his business and he felt if we became intimate he would loose focus.(His father stated to me his son was all about making money right now). He stated it's happen before(lost focus).He also mentioned that he was on some medication that may cause him to have problems performing. I assured him that it was ok and I just wanted some of his time. He said he wanted to stay focused and give his business a year which would was in March of 2004 and if I was still available we could move forward. We still talk periodically but we're not as close as we use to be, we are growing apart and I'm trying not to let that happen but I can't make it happen by my self. I still care about him. He's traveling a lot now and I just feel like he's kind of unfair because if he cared about me he would make some quality time for me, give me something to hold on too. U know? He said he still does care but actions speak louder than words. How can I capture this mans heart/attention long distance. I'm willing to travel to see him but I haven't gotten an invitation yet. He said he would invite me when he knew he would be in town for a while. I think he's a good catch and all I want is just a little of his time or am I wasting mind? Confused...
Answer be confused no longer; your wasting yours; time waits for no one, and neither should you; in your own words, "if he cared about me he would make time for me.."..you're also right about actions speaking louder than words...you're trying to hang on to pieces of april when it's a morning in may; for whatever reason, he doesn't care enough to make this a priority; stop waiting, wishing, hoping; reduce your expectations to zero, remove your emotional investment, and concentrate your energies on finding men more available, physically AND emotionally...az
