AboutAzure Expertise expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
Question I dated this guy briefly about 4 yrs ago (it was definetly love, i even lost my virginity to him) and it ended for severaly reasons, he was in the miltary mainly. Since then we've kept in touch off and on, but he was still in the service and we both had significant others. Well, since about october its been constantly on and he just broke up w/his girlfriend about a month ago. Anyways, we're talking about making it work. The distance is still an issue, but not as bad (Indiana and Tennessee). I would consider this a new relationship which of course involves the keeping him on his toes and all that other stuff u do when you're first dating...my 1st ? is how do u "keep a guy on his toes" when its long distance? also, he's not a big communicator and i've tried to very gently tell him that when we're 6 hrs apart, all we have is the phone and e-mail, but i don't wanna sound desparte or clingy either. I guess I just need help in general on hom to manage and also how to get him to communicate more...
Answer his personality is pretty much set, so don't expect alot of change..all you can do is present to him what your needs/requirements are in terms of relationship communication, and see how he responds... you keep him "on his toes" by generally not accepting less than you deserve, by not becoming needy or dependent, by considering him as icing on the "cake", which would be the fulfillment you already get from your life...establish a mutually agreed upon communication frequency, but don't make it so frequent that complacency sets in...beyond that, it's not alot different than any relationship...we all like sensitivity, consideration, concern, care, etc...let me know if specific issues arise...az
