AboutAzure Expertise expertise: over 3000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available uponrequest...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
Question Hello Azure,
I am in a long distance relationship for over 6 years. My partner lives overseas, he visits me every 2.5 months sometimes shorter, sometimes longer.
Every year we go away on vacation at least two times during the year. It is hard, when
he leaves after spending our vacation together.
This relationship has taken a toll on me emotionally and physcially!!!
Every time, I mention the word commitment or something about our future
(ie) marriage, it becomes a huge fight.
It seems that marriage is not in his future at the moment or not with me.
I am still in love with my long distance partner and finding it hard to let go.
Lately, I have been depressed, not wanting to do anything; just sad most of the days. I realized that this is not healthy. I find myself crying every night before bed.
I DO want to marry him, but I am not sure how to go about getting to that point or what to do?
Please I am greatly need for some professional advise, just to keep my sanity.
Rosanne
Answer it's amazing you've stayed in it THIS long; sometimes love works against you, as in this case; what you perceive as "love" probably has elements of neediness and insecurity within it, otherwise you would have been gone long ago; it's obvious you're both looking at this relationship differently; he sees it as a comfortable, commitment-free arrangement, with minimal emotional investment, that strings you along while allowing him to remain independent, with no future plans; as this works for him, it will probably continue as long as you allow it to; thusly, you can either inform him that the current arrangement is no longer agreeable, give him your requirements, including marriage/living together, and within a specific amount of time, or you can wallow in your misery, in the name of "love", and continue to lead a sad life of quiet desperation; stop settling for less than you deserve, and if he rejects your conditions, consider it a favor, free yourself from this addiction, and finally get on with your life..az
