Expert: Maggie - 5/30/2007

Question
I know you have been asked this a thousand times, but many of the question come from high school girls. I am a Junior in college, soon to be 21, and casually dating someone. I've never been in love, and am in no rush, but the topic of sex is always brought up linked to love. I am very attracted to this guy, and I'm not sure whether or not we'll last all that long,  but I want to have sex. I was wondering first, if losing your virginity is as painful or not when you are older, and secondly, if it sounds completely absurd that I would want to have my first time be with this guy that I am not in love with, and have no expectations of. I just think he will be patient and slow and worry more about me than the act itself. Am I just asking for disappointment? Sorry if these questions seem childish, but I have no one really to ask.
Thanx,
Liz

Answer
Hi Liz,

No, yours questions does't seem childish at all. No worries.

That's only you that can know whether or not you want to loose your virginity with that guy. But loosing your virginity happens only once so if you have the smallest doubt about it, then I'd say wait. Here's a sex-readiness checklist for you to read that might help :http://www.scarleteen.com/sexuality/readiness.html

Per your first question, the answer is no. It doesn't matter whether or not you are young or older when you loose your virginity, if everything is done right there shouldn't be more pain and there doesn't have to be pain at all to be honest. A small discomfort ? Maybe for some. But big pain when you assure you really want to have sex and are ready for it, when you have a great caring partner that is willing to take things slow, when you do plenty of foreplay and make sure you are really aroused before getting to intercourse and when you use lube and are totally relaxed, having no big worries whatsoever... there really shouldn't be that big of a pain.

Also, I'd suggest if you intend to do it, to go get tested both for STIs, and also go get a gyn exam to ensure you're starting properly, on the right foot.

Feel free to follow-up.
Take care,
Maggie.