Expert: Maggie - 8/4/2007

Question
QUESTION: hi me and my girlfriend have decided to have sex. and she hasn't really done anything with a guy like being fingered etc. we tried having sex and it was really painful for her and wouldn't penetrate. is this a serious problem? what can help?

thanks in advance Marco

ANSWER: Hi Marco,

This doesn't seem like a serious problem, no. A lot of other people are in the same boat as you. Were you both fully ready at 100 % to have sex, was she in the mood for it, was she fully relaxed, did you do lots of foreplay in order to make her really aroused before attempting intercourse, did you use lube ? Those are all the thing you have to rule out. Also, has your partner ever gone to a gyn before to make sure everything was okay with her ?

I'll let you some articles for you to read. It might really help to take a look at those :
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/pink/from_ow_to_wow_demystifying_painful_inter (This one among all the others might be really useful !)
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/boyfriend/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_read
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/first_intercourse_101

Feel free to follow-up,
take care,
Maggie.




---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: yes were both 100% ready i am not a virgin myself but iv neva been with one either.. i have tried 4play to relax her and it has worked a lil but still painful for her. should i try 4play for longer or would lube help it penetrate easier?
ANSWER: Hi again Marco,

Sure lube I'd say is really a must when it comes to sex. So you definatly should use some. Also, as I said, doing lots of foreplay before getting to intercourse should help too, just like all other things I described above also.

Feel free to follow-up again,
take care,
Maggie.



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: hi my gf and i have also been doing 4play and it hurts her when i finger her aswell and i dont know if this is normal or not becuase she hasnt done anything else before.. is it normal? what problems could cause it to hurt when being fingered or whilst being penetrated?

thanks in advance

Answer
Hi again Marco,

The pain she experienced could have something to do with her not being aroused enough (fingering is one foreplay only, there is lots of other ones like clit play for example which doesn't involve vaginal insertion....maybe not going straight at vaginal insertion would be best since), her not being in the mood for it, not using enough lube, her hymen, etc....Have you read that first article I linked you ? Cause it's similar causes as for intercourse.

Take care,
Maggie.