AboutBrad Varvil Expertise I am happy to field questions regarding Lutheran theology and practice, and it's context
within the western catholic tradition. General questions on the Christian faith are also
welcome.
Experience I have served in lay ministry for over ten years, and am currently a pastor in a small, confessional Lutheran communion in the Evangelical Catholic tradition. I have worked with several Lutheran and non-Lutheran communions over the years, and have a particular fondness for catholic ecumenism.
Education/Credentials I have a BA in Religion and Philosophy from a small midwestern Lutheran college, and am completing an M.Div. at a small, independent, Lutheran seminary in the Pacific Northwest.
Question My son and his fiance are both baptized catholics. His fiance chose to look for
a church outside of her parish to a church in a more central location. They
attempted to find a catholic church but were turned down by several as the
pastors felt they needed more time for preparation. They are both 21 and my
son is in the service. Their solution was to go to a luthern church and they
were welcomed by the pastor to marry in this church. Do you feel it would be
best for them to have a service instead of a mass considering they and most
of the guests are catholic? What other challenges do you for see?
Answer Dear Carol Kelly,
Grace and peace to you, and congratulations on your son's impending wedding (as well as his service to our country!) While I am not an authority on Roman canon law, I'll offer what I think may be helpful.
I am glad to hear that the pastor at the Lutheran church you visited welcomed the young couple-- that would be normative for Lutherans, particulary since we don't have a canon law code which forbids such things. Lutherans, by and large, see marriage as divinely instituted and sacramental in nature, though we don't have quite the same sacramental understanding that our Roman friends do.
Within our tradition, we often have a period of counselling, too-- to help the couple understand their obligations to each other before God, and to get many of their questions out on the table, so to speak, before they enter a vocation which is meant to last a lifetime. There is often a question regarding how they will raise their future children, and catechize them in the Christian faith.
Because both of these young people are Roman Catholics, I think the pressumption would be that they will raise and catechize their children according to the Roman tradition... and the long term pastoral support of that Lutheran pastor probably won't be much beyond the wedding itself... which is OK according to our tradition. We see marriage as something that is entered into between the couple, and the pastor is only solemnizing that covenant (and, of course, standing in a legal capacity, too.)
As for celebrating the Mass in conjunction with the wedding, that might be touchy. For many Lutherans, we wouldn't have any problems celebrating the Eucharist with Roman Catholics (though some Lutheran groups do on doctrinal grounds) since we have a very similar understanding of the Lord's real presence and our baptismal unity in Christ. However, I think it is still against Roman law for Roman Catholics to receive the Sacraments outside the Roman communion, except in dire emergencies. I would let your conscience guide you in this-- your Lutheran pastor might not mind at all, but your parish priest might be quite offended, as might some of your more traditional Roman Catholic guests. Of course, there's another option in this-- to have just the married couple receive the Eucharist at the altar. In that sense, it would just be the two of them and the Lutheran priest, they could keep the centrality of Christ's Eucharistic presence in the wedding Mass (which is a beautiful culmination of the whole allegory of marriage) and you wouldn't have the broader distribution of the elements to the whole assembly. But still, this is a matter of conscience and pastoral guidance. Either way, one would hope the newly married couple will receive the Eucharist together many times as husband and wife, in the near and long terms, as people of Christ's Church.
Eventually, your son and daughter in law will probably want to have their marriage solemnized by their home priest, when that is convenient (or perhaps by the Roman Catholic chaplain at their assigned duty location.) I won't try to navigate the subtleties of those wedding canons, but I'm pretty sure that within the Roman communion, there's a provision for a couple to be married outside the Roman church, and then have that marriage solemnized or made official in the eyes of the Roman church later. You might want to be sensitive that your home parish priest may feel slighted (we're all human, after all) that they went around them and found a non-Roman pastor to marry them... but I think they'll get over it in time.
And if they don't, well, they are always welcome around a Lutheran campfire. ;)
Blessings to you, your family, and the future you are soon to embrace together as your families become united.
